My Way of Life

懦弱

2011-04-22T15:53:00.002+08:00

我好像一直都错看了成长。也许是我拿捏得不够好，也或许是我误解了成长的意思。三年了，离开家三年了，我始终觉得自己还不够坚强。

这三年里发生了很多事。家里有很大的变化：外婆去世了，亲戚闹翻了，那闹翻的舅舅也去世了，妈的癌症复原了，但去年又复发了，妈的保险金中间出了一些问题，爸必须支付那笔医药费。除了家里的变化以外，剩下的就是自己的那笔：生命的方向，自己的梦想，友情及爱情。这些事情都在短短的三年内有很大的变化。当中夹杂了快乐、喜悦、悲伤、沮丧、失落、寂寞、坚信、期待、恐惧、后悔、迟疑以及其他无法用文字解释的情绪。

这些情绪，有一些我很坦然地面对，比如快乐与喜悦。但对于那些负面情绪，我擅长逃避，擅长麻醉自己。我一直认为成长是一种可以活在负面情绪之上的一个境界，就是，我认为已经成长的人是不会受这些负面情绪的束缚。我误解了。七情六欲根本是人生的其中一个元素。我们没有办法逃，只能坦然面对，大方接受，然后勇敢地活出自己的天空。逃避，只是延迟了面对的时间，更加延迟了我们本来的计划。对于坚强这门学问，是活到老，学到老的。我们一直都以为自己很坚强，但其实我们只是还没有遇到更大的难题。当我们遇到更大的难题时，我们有从中领悟了一些新的道理，变得更加坚强。而人类只要还活着，就会有困难。人的一生有很多个阶段，每个阶段都有不一样的问题。所以，我只不过经历了二十多年的难题。现在正迈向人生的另一个阶段，所以会面对新的困难。我可能在这个时候会恐慌、无助、甚至会懦弱，可是我坚信自己一定熬得过的！加油！

当想念已经变成了一种痛

2011-04-15T15:29:00.002+08:00

“ 想念是会呼吸的痛

它活在我身上所有角落

哼你爱的歌会痛

看你的信会痛连沉默也痛

 遗憾是会呼吸的痛  它流在血液中来回滚动  后悔不贴心会痛  恨不懂你会痛  想见不能见最痛 ”

心墙。世上最遥远的距离

2011-04-07T00:00:00.002+08:00

如果最靠近的距离是在对面远远地望着你，那我宁愿戴上陌生人的面具在街上走。

只是，我再也找不到理由过马路去扮演这个陌生人。

所以，我应该放弃这最靠近的距离。

世上最遥远的距离，也比不上这样的距离。

My first love poem

2011-04-02T22:39:00.002+08:00

After days of thesis writing, I finally have the time and most importantly, the privilege to use my imagination fully without restrictions of templates and scientific formats. Writing poem is so much more enjoyable than writing thesis.

This is my very first love poem, LOL, a nice attempt to be romantic. It's very random as they just come across my mind, so some parts are happy; some parts are sad. Anyway...

Like a lily without leaves,

I feel lonely if you ever leave.

Like a winter without snow,

how much I love you,

heaven knows.

Like a tear in the water,

I am here,

but you never bother.

Like a chain on the door,

I wonder if I could hold you just once more.

Like a dolphin in the sea,

your loving sets me free.

Like the sun in the sky,

with you on my mind, I'm satisfied.

Like a baby in the cradle,

being with you,

everything is possible.

Like a year without rain,

missing you brings so much pain.

Like Monalisa and da Vinci,

Through your eyes,

I see me.

Like Cubism and Picasso,

if I meet you, I'll never let go.

Like Fawkes and its feather,

we belong together.

...So much for now... My mind is word-deprived, hope you guys enjoy!

骂人篇2

2011-03-21T17:19:00.003+08:00

很讨厌啊！！！！！！

你问的问题为什么会那么没有营养？你到底是不是这方面的权威？你是我的キョウシ，不是应该帮我解决我在ケンキュウ上所面对的问题吗？没有帮我解决已经很糟糕了；现在还要制造更多问题给我？！

屁啦~~~我还是这一句，那么厉害，你不会自己从A做到Z？干嘛我做了你再那里怀疑？自己做，你可以相信你自己的成绩，更不需要因为怀疑我而伤神。做啊，自己做啊~~~明明什么都不懂，还在那边挑，还给人家一大堆煤油营养的意见，整天带人家去荷兰香港！！！What the hell, 这样无能的キョウシ我真是第一次看到啊~~~

F U C K~~~~~~!!!

忐忑

2011-03-07T00:32:00.003+08:00

偶尔会在无情的大海中勇敢地骑着狂风、乘着大浪，无畏无惧地相信自己能够踏上梦想之岛。

也有些时候，我会告诉自己，不要抱着太大的希望，因为茫茫大海，无情的风浪会把我带到一个更遥远的地方。

不断地自我肯定；又不断地自我怀疑，让我觉得心里的两个分身。这种莫名其妙的分身令我感到厌倦与无奈。

当我告诉朋友时，他们告诉我，其实他们也感受到同样的矛盾。虽然我不孤独，但我还是觉得这种忐忑很可怕，因为这是我从来没有面对过的不安。

我应该学会相信。相信自己绝对能够达到自己想要的。我的未来，不是梦。

《秘密花园》

2011-03-01T23:13:00.002+08:00

最近我在看《秘密花园》。很久没追看韩剧了，平时也没有追看韩剧的习惯，但这一部真的深深地吸引我。所以，在这里推介给大家，有空就看看吧，二十集而已，不会太长。

第十四集里，女主角吉罗琳对男主角金周元说：“我曾经用父亲的名义向你的母亲发誓，说我不会再和你见面，可是人走了，心却还留住。我知道与你交往的日子会很难过。可是，比起不能与你见面的痛苦，我宁愿忍受与你交往的辛苦。”

这句话好经典。宁愿爱得卑微，也不愿失去一个人的滋味，真的令人难以理解。卑微的爱，难道就比较让人感动？如果一个人可以做出这样的选择，那证明他一定很爱那个人。一直以来认为爱情不应该是卑微的我，真的被这句话感动到了，希望我也可以学会这种为爱付出一切的精神 ^^（但我当然不希望我的收场会是卑微的 TT）。

是，我是在骂人，可是不要想太多而对号入座~

2011-02-12T00:19:00.002+08:00

只有在逆境，我们才会看清身边哪些是好人、哪些是坏人。

你可能会发现有些人平时说的话是那么地“动听”，什么“你是我的好帮手，有你真好”，什么“我们一起进退”。。。让你感觉到你是一个值得被信赖的人，他可以放心地把事情交给你处理。可是，当你面对一些挫折时，他的模样将会原形毕露。之前说过的什么“动听”的屁话都忘了，翻脸比翻书还要快。

你那么厉害吗？不能接受瑕疵？你自己很完美是吗？很能干是吗？如果那么完美、那么能干，那你就不需要别人的帮忙了，大可以一个人撑起所有的工作。别人的错误不能被原谅吗？那你自己犯的错呢？需要别人的帮助时又那么cheap。。。演戏也不会演，难怪你人缘那么差。

这个现实的社会就是这样了，利用价值没了，就是“特别待遇”也没了。只有那些真心肯帮你，鼓励你，支持你的人才会和你共同进退。一个有心想帮你的人不一定是一个很友善的人；他可能平时很少跟你说话，可是当你需要别人的帮助时，他会很乐意伸出援手。

与老朋友的相聚

2011-02-08T00:25:00.002+08:00

今天很开心，因为我与一位小学认识了十一年的老朋友谈天。新年最开心的就是能够与一些很久没有见面的朋友相聚。

虽然他的样子没什么改变，可是我发现大家都长大了。现在聊的话题跟以前的都不一样了。大家已经在为自己的将来有计划，有自己的想法，有自己的爱情观，学会珍惜真诚的友谊，有了不同的生活经验。和他聊天，我发现我不孤单。原来还有其他人也有着同样的问题，也对自己的前途感到渺茫。

不知不觉地，两年半已经过去了。现在距离毕业还有大概九个月。在这段时间内，我希望自己可以找到自己的方向，以便可以实现我的计划。回想起2008年6月28日的那天，我还是会嘲笑那时的我。如果有时光机，我真的很想回到那天，给那个哭哭啼啼的我一个很窝心的拥抱，告诉他没什么的，三年很快就过去了。告诉他离开家以后的他会成长了许多、坚强了许多，学会更加珍惜他身边的人与事，而且视野开拓了许多。我也会告诉那时也正在哭哭啼啼的妈妈，她不会失去他，他离开家以后会学会珍惜家的温暖。

距离呈交毕业论文还有一个多月的时间，我也希望自己可以很顺利地完成我在三年的学士课程内的最后一项功课。虽然困难重重，我还是会尽力的，祈求神明popi popi =)。

我的未来不是梦。

你不知道的事

2011-01-27T00:40:00.002+08:00

回忆，就是那么地让人感到无奈。它很容易被一些熟悉的画面钩起，但它已经是过去了，就算记忆犹新，它与我们的距离还是遥不可及。偏偏天意弄人，总在最不对的时刻看见不对的画面。回忆就像被咒语揭开的一种神秘力量一样，袭击我那已经疲倦的心。图片依旧，只是，我现在已经站在另一边了。像空气般不存在的存在，这，是你不知道的事。

不如意事常八九

2011-01-20T22:33:00.003+08:00

好久没有这种感觉了，真的好久。就是那种样样东西都不如意，有心要完成的事偏偏遇到很多大大小小的挫折。最近我的人生似乎就在这样的阶段。

应该感到庆幸我已经很久没有这样的感觉了吧~总算我的人生起落没有很大，应该感恩。可是这种感觉真的很不好受。我已经开始觉得累了，祈求老天爷可以不要再让我的运气走下坡，开始往上爬了吗？

时间不多了，从去年的十一月无声无息的实验，现在总算有点快看见曙光的希望了，怎么又有小人阻碍呢？虽然只是一个小小的挫折，还算可以被解决，可是这件事令我感到很不安。这样的关键时刻，我真的不想还有一些意外而拖延我们的进展。我身边有一些不愉快的事，也希望妈妈的癌症早日康复，远离病魔的无情伤害。

新年要到了，可是这次我没有很期待，是不是周遭发生的事令我麻木了？虽然如此，我还是会期待新年的假日，可以让我好好地休息。其实，我更应该期待过年，因为新年的气氛佳，人会比较开心。“人会累，是因为心累了”，这句话，我深深的体会到。希望好运很快就找上我家门。万锦杨，加油！

更好的2011，祝大家新年快乐!!

2010-12-30T18:31:00.004+08:00

提早祝大家新年快乐，2011会更好！今年的新年会在新加坡渡过。

这首歌在我的歌谱里很久了，可是就很少点来听，突然很喜欢这首歌，现在才发现它的歌词原来那么有意思。跟大家分享刘若英的《我们没有在一起》。

刘若英 - 我们没有在一起

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfYG8Q3ZpMA

# 你一直说的那个公园已经拆了
还记得荡著秋千日子就飞起来
漫漫的下午阳光都在脸上撒野
你那傻气我真是想念

那时候小小的你还没学会叹气
谁又会想到他们现在喊我女王
你哈哈笑的样子倒是一点没变
时间走了谁还在等呢

这杯咖啡忘了加糖
真不是我那麼伤感
世界太复杂你说单纯很难
我当然都明白

可是呀只有你曾陪我在最初的地方
只有你才能了解我要的梦从来不大
我们没有在一起至少还像情侣一样
我痛的疯的伤的在你面前哭得最惨

我知道你也不能带我回到那个地方
你说你现在很好而且喜欢回忆很长
我们没有在一起至少还像家人一样
总是远远关心远远分享

那条路走呀走呀走呀总要回家
两只手握著晃呀晃呀舍不得放
你不知道吧后来后来我都在想
跟你走吧管它去哪呀

这杯咖啡忘了加糖
真不是我那麼伤感
世界太复杂你说单纯很难
我当然都明白

可是呀只有你曾陪我在最初的地方
只有你才能了解我要的梦从来不大
我们没有在一起至少还像情侣一样
我痛的疯的伤的在你面前哭得最惨

我知道你也不能带我回到那个地方
你说你现在很好而且喜欢回忆很长
我们没有在一起至少还像家人一样
总是远远关心远远分享

可是呀只有你曾陪我在最初的地方
只有你才能了解我要的梦从来不大
我们没有在一起至少还像情侣一样
我痛的疯的伤的在你面前哭得最惨

我知道你也不能带我回到那个地方
你说你现在很好而且喜欢回忆很长
我们没有在一起至少还像家人一样
总是远远关心远远分享

我们没有在一起至少还像朋友一样
你远远的关心其实更长 #

共勉之

2010-11-23T15:36:00.001+08:00

转贴：不要抱再怨生活不如意，因为是你在主导着自己的生活，不是生活在主导着你。面对目前的困境，如果你不打破瓶颈寻求突破的话，几年之后你还会是这个样子。不要为了工作而委曲求全，不要为了名利而违背自心。人到夕阳时，希望你不要感叹什么重新来过之类的话，要说今生无悔。人生苦短，要好好把握。

简单，但却凄美的故事

2010-11-18T21:44:00.003+08:00

#微小说#

她招手拦了出租车，上车后发现开车的是他！！

十年前，他们是亲密的恋人，她在父母的压力下选择了分手，从此在同一个城市从未相见。

“你好吗？”

“我很好，你呢？”

“我也好。”

她看到了他手上依然戴着她送的手表；他在她下车时，听到了她背包上那个小铃铛清脆悦耳的声音，那是他送给她的……

#这故事才短短的几个句子，但却带着很大的感慨与感动。人，往往甩不开社会的一般见识，把这种包袱背在身上，结果有情人未能在一起。这个故事，感动，但却不缺现实的元素。也是因为这样的现实，把故事变得更凄美。#

发现

2010-10-30T22:19:00.002+08:00

其实，人的蜕变是因为自己不断经历各种事物后，而慢慢发现真理的一个过程。

我发现自己原来可以很爱自由，因为不需要想着怎样去配合别人。无论是时间或是选择，只要自己想做就可以立刻去做。可能这样会被别人认为我是一个孤僻的人，疏离人群；但其实不是。我只是比较喜欢独处的时刻，因为没有任何人可以让我感觉那种自在。曾经，我以为单独就是孤单，但我发现了原来真正的孤单并不是单独那么表面，而是内心的元素。

我发现离开家以后，自己要面对的事情多得很。一些以前没有处理过的事情，现在一一浮现在眼前。原来，离开了自己的家乡后，友情、亲情都需要时间去维持。现在大家离开中学了，各有各的生活，不能像以前那样可以每天见面，所以不久都得通过电话、面子书问候。现在我与家人的距离是约300公里，就算是家人，也必须花点时间多和他们聊天，这样才知道他们的近况。离开家以后，才明白什么叫做“养儿一百岁，长忧九十九”，虽然长大了，但爸妈还是会担心我。

我发现原来自己曾经对爱情那么天真，很可怕的天真。曾经，我也想过找一个自己欣赏的女生，好好谈一段恋爱，不在乎结果如何，只在乎当时的感受。可是多年来，时间似乎把我从这美丽的期待唤醒了，回到现实的无奈。实际上，有多少恋情是真正甜蜜的？有多少人可以真正爱一个人，无条件地接受他/她？有多少对情侣在恋爱后，还可以一如往常地过着各自的生活，不会奢望对方为了自己而改变？有多少人可以不顾一切的接受他/她的另一半，不会将他/她跟别人的男/女朋友做比较？有几个承诺是真的？我发现自己看见的都是爱情的丑态，它的甜蜜根本不能跟这些赤裸裸的疮疤成正比。“付出多，收获多”这句话没有出现在爱情条例当中。而且，谈恋爱不单只是两人的事，因为身旁的人，包括家人及朋友，会给很多评论，而又有多少人可以不去理会这些评论？最后，我得到的结论是我还没有心理准备去接受一个可能会折磨我自己的关系。

蜕变，是一个很自然的过程，因为看了不同的风景，想法自然不同。

尽力就好

2010-10-04T21:06:00.002+08:00

最近的心情还蛮平静地，虽然很多事要忙，但也不会有一种被很多烦恼淹没的感觉。

只是开始觉得，很多事，急着想做，也做不来。未来的事，想太多，只会让自己陷入困局，反而越想越烦。因为一些假设性的想法而把自己的心情弄得七上八下，这实在太自虐了。

面对未来的事，“尽力就好”才是最正确的观点。

领悟

2010-09-07T11:40:00.002+08:00

谢谢一位好朋友的提醒。她说友谊是需要花时间去维持的。这句话，不是第一次看到，但却是第一次领悟到当中的道理。

以前，不知道是因为大伙儿都是男生，所以大家都比较爽快；还是那时的生活很简单，每天都有机会见面，友情没有所谓的“维持”的必要。对我而言，那时候，朋友随时都存在，就像便利店一样，无所不在，而且每天都会见到他们。

我还活在过去，还没有活在当下。也因为这样，我对友情的态度没有改变。可是，现在的生活已经不像以前那么清淡，面对友情的态度也应该随着当下的环境而改变。大学生活，各自忙各自的，不再像以前这样可以天天见面。不同科系的朋友更不用说。所以，需要抽出时间来关心对方，以维持一段友情。我就是忽略了那份心思去关心别人，忙于自己的生活，陶醉在自己的世界。就因为这样，我觉得自己是个冷漠的人。

友情就像一棵幼苗，在细心呵护之下，定时浇水、施肥才会茁壮成长。我之前就少了这份细心的呵护，希望那棵友情的树还没有枯萎。用心体会，才发现原来我在友情上的付出真的不够。

给我的朋友们：之前若有被我的冷漠“冰冷”到的，我想你们道歉，希望得到你们的原谅与包容。

わたしのきぶん

2010-08-21T15:45:00.003+08:00

感恩关心。我的任性蒙蔽了我的感激。

不是不知道，只是面对时感到不知所措；不是不想接受，只是觉得不想再成为你们的负担；不是不想依赖。只是觉得不能再依赖，可恨人是越长越大的，慢慢地要面对一切，我想瞬间长大，可是不能；我想保存我的天真，可是又不被容许，所以我只好用最慢的脚步徐徐前进。

我会万事小心。

代沟

2010-08-13T12:01:00.002+08:00

长辈的看法，我们不能接受；我们的看法，长辈也一样觉得不可理喻。不能怪谁，只能怪时间。时间，应该说，是年代，造就了代沟，而就是代沟，让我们无法和长辈们分享我们的看法及心事。

青少年的父母时常都会埋怨。“孩子大了，不会再对你撒娇，更不会把心事告诉你。”，“他最近闷闷不乐，可是问他，他却说没事，是我多心。”。就在此让我代表青少年说一句。对不起，不是我们不想告诉你们，是你们本身不能接受我们的看法，就算说出来，也等于没说。幸运的，就被你们说说几句；不幸的，还得被臭骂一顿。本来心情都不好了，试问有人还想要承受这种对待吗？

就是代沟，造成了我们之间的疏远，父母与孩子的关系之间有了一个距离。你或许整天跟你的父母在一起，可是，我们当中，有几个可以把自己的父母当成是知心朋友般地无所不谈？我相信，那个数目真是少得可怜，当父母的肯定不好受吧。孩子是父母的命根，可是孩子却难以对你们开口，表示自己独特的想法，烦人的心事，不解的思绪。你想为你的孩子分担，但你的孩子却拒绝了你的好意。

那是因为你们关心的方法错了。与其改变我们的想法，不如尝试接受我们的想法？时代已经不同，就算在一年以内，世事的变迁都已经很大了，更何况是几十年的差距？为什么你们的想法还是停留在那个某某年代，总觉得那个年代的想法的想法才是对的？

不安

2010-08-09T23:26:00.002+08:00

无端端地，心又无风作浪，心情有点郁闷。

难道又是那种面对转折点的不安吗？

不安，总是在这个时候找上门，

而且，每次都越来越早。。。

不过，我相信明天会更好~

思绪

2010-08-02T22:05:00.002+08:00

如果说，喜欢一个人就要喜欢上他的一切，那我希望会有一个这么特别的女生会喜欢上我的自我。因为，我就是那么地我行我素。。。会有一个这样的女生吗？

Research life is beginning soon

2010-07-18T00:20:00.004+08:00

This is it, we have studied on theories and facts for 2 years, and now is the time to get hands-on experience on research, which is, to carry out our final year project.

We are allowed to choose 5 titles that we are interested in, and out of the 5 titles (usually but not necessarily among the 5 titles submitted), we are given one title to work on. I am thankfully assigned to work on malaria, which is my most preferred title of all. And another reason to be thankful is that my supervisor is kind and helpful.

Soon, we will have to work on our research proposal and therefore, we have to start to read articles from different but related journals. After the proposal is presented to the lecturers and approved, we will be able to start our research.

This is exciting, but, at the same time, frightening. It's exciting as we have worked so hard and come this far for the final year project, the one that we have to finish in order to graduate with a Degree; frightening because this is the time where you would find out whether or not you like the life of a researcher. What if my answer is a "NO"?

A friend told my friend that he thinks that I know exactly what I want. I'm sorry to say, no, I don't. Well, I don't know how he got this impression from me. I wish I knew what I want EXACTLY. But life is all about attempts, better yet, it's a cycle of attempt-fail-attempt again, until you reach your ultimate goal. So, I guess this is the crucial time to get to know what I really want to do in future, a wall to reflect the inner voice of my own.

惯性（Inertia）：人生与物理的息息相关

2010-07-03T17:20:00.002+08:00

人的心，是不是寂寞的？就算自己已经跟自己约定了，把未来几年的时间专心地用在自己的身上，自我增值，让自己变得更好。可是，偶尔还是会忧虑，还是会害怕。人，习惯了单身，自然而然就会一直习惯下去。人，也逃不出物理的定律。惯性，是所有物质的本性，包括人类。单身的人，会继续享受单身；谈恋爱的人，会继续两个人的生活。所有东西都不愿做出一些违抗它的现状的改变，除非有一股外来的推动力。

那，我很明显是没有那股外来的推动力。这是我自己的问题，或是时间的问题呢？我没有办法辨认。可是，我觉得大部分的问题都出在我的身上吧。缺乏自信已经是其次，因为近几年来，我不断的检讨、改善自己，让自己慢慢地自信起来。

最大的问题是，我很享受我的单身生活。有些人害怕孤单，做什么事都要有人陪伴。我，不一样。只要是可以自己做的事，我都会尽量自己去完成。就算是午餐，运动或购物，我都会选择自己进行。我觉得这样很舒服，很自在。午餐想去哪里吃，就去哪里吃，不需要听从或配合别人的意见；想狼吞虎咽或细嚼慢咽都无所谓，因为没有其他人的存在，不会耽误但别人的时间。运动，想去就可以立刻动身，不必配合别人的时间。所以，我喜欢的运动，都不是球类，因为我懒得去约人，也不想别人配合我的时间。游泳，健身及跑步是最好的选择。独自购物，更是一种至高无上的享受。想走多久，就走多久；想进哪间店，就进哪间店。买东西的时候，不必询问别人的意见，自己选择自己的最爱。

这是惯性在作祟。习惯独自行事；就算有人陪伴，也只是朋友和家人的陪伴。一个人的狂欢，没有问题，也不会让我感到寂寞。只是，到了万籁俱静的时候，那种空缺还是存在。一种莫名的孤寂，是在白天不会感受到的不安。说出来，也没有人了解，反而，还被人说是我想太多。难道白天真的不懂夜的黑？

倘若这种惯性持续下去，那我就会一直继续单身吗？认真地想一想，真的有点恐怖。

想把惯性去处，就得施加一股足以反抗惯性的力量。但，这股力量会是什么？寂寞的心？黑夜里的不安？梦寐以求的对象？朋友的遗弃？

我不是物理学家，不会用什么复杂的方程式去预算那股力量的大小。所以，这个问题没人会解答。我也只好自己找答案。

P/S: 最近看了《谈情说案》，所以被Professor Kingsley这个角色深深吸引了，所以就写了这篇短文。希望我以后在生物科学界上也会有像他在剧情中的成就。^^

在实验室里的某一个下午

2010-07-02T11:45:00.002+08:00

上个月，我的心曾经风雨连连，没称得上是暴风雨袭击，但感觉也让我忐忑不安。虽然有工作及嗜好在分散我的注意力，但，空闲时，我还是会感到一种莫名的焦虑。就是这样，才让人感到烦恼，没有真实的理由，没有确实的原因，无端端地，心就下起雨来。

在连续几天的心雨停歇后，彩虹慢慢上映的那一刻，我仿佛能够把凌乱的思绪排成一个有次序的解说。应该，这不算是什么特别的领悟，只是，我可能暂时想通了。

以下，是在一个午饭后的空闲时间写出来的一些思绪。

“幸福，不是专属于爱情的；快乐，更不建立在两个恋人的身上。爱情，是可遇不可求的，而且遇见对象的时机必须是对的，这样，两人才有牵手的可能。

对的时机没遇上对的人，或者，在不对的时机遇上对的人，两者都不可能成事。

对我来说，等待爱情，就像等着马来西亚的KTM一样 - 不准时的火车，让人痴痴地等待。以为它快要到了；但等了很久，却不见踪影。等得累了，在远处又看见一个朦胧的影子，听见隆隆的声音，心里又有了一线希望，以为它就是你想乘搭的火车了。后来才发现，原来那是一辆只往前冲的长途火车，不会为你停下来。这样的经历，可能会重复好几次；但也有一些幸运的人，一走进车站就上了当时停下来的火车。

有些人很耐心地等待；一些人则显得很不耐烦。

KTM再不准时，它也会有抵达的一刻；爱情，就不一样了。

有些人花了一生的时间寻觅，而往往等不到爱情敲门的那一天；有些人等了很久，决定不再等待，或许他们已经没有耐心了，也可能他们没有勇气再去相信爱情的传说。也有一些人的耐心战胜了时间的考验，等了多年，终于等到了爱情的到来。

我很肯定，自己不是一到车站就上火车的人，我没那么幸运。无论命运安排我是哪一种人，我会耐心等待我那不准时的火车。”

无奈。矛盾

2010-05-30T22:42:00.005+08:00

如果你问我应该用什么词语来形容人生，我会回答你人生是“矛盾”及“无奈”。

我不懂是不是单单是我的人生很无奈及矛盾，或是每个人的都是这样，但我觉得这两个词语最适合用来形容我的现状。

为什么人生会有那么多抉择，而每个抉择都是那么地无奈。就连最基本的选择，比如 “喂，等下午餐吃什么？” 。“我想吃KFC, 可是又想吃McD。” 。这个选择难决定，但它并不为难你的生活，因为人活着，每天最少都会吃三餐，所以每天，我们都有三个机会去实现我们“未实现的愿望”。

可是，现在我面对的矛盾是未来的工作，我的前途，也是我的“钱途”。要找一份能赚钱的工不难，要找一份能够赚很多钱的工很难，那，想找一份能赚很多钱而自己又喜欢的工呢？该去哪里找呢？无奈，人们必须在收入及兴趣上做出一个选择；可悲，选择兴趣的人可能会收入不高，而选择收入的人则可能必须放弃他们的兴趣；矛盾，这么难的决定，叫人们如何去做出一个选择？

我想要的未来不是梦，因为确实很多人做得到；只是我不懂该怎样去实现，也不知道我能不能实现，有没有那个勇气去实现。说到头来，就是我追梦的勇气是否能够给我力量去面对所有的挑战。现实，已经侵蚀了我的勇气及梦想，那，还有什么可以给我力量，给我一个坚持的理由，告诉我，我的梦是可以实现的？父母肯定不是诉说的对象，因为他们在社会已经那么久了，他们可以说是麻木，也可以说是变得冷漠了。收入是他们衡量工作的唯一（或是首要）条件。我不怪他们，我只是觉得，他们面对了许多的风雨过后，忘了他们最初的那个梦想，而他们也可能在面对生活的瞬息万变后，没有余力去实现那个梦想。也或许，他们像我们一样，没有勇气去实现自己的梦想吗？

“每个人都有梦，幸福总站在最前方，心中越是渴望，越是不敢伸手拥抱。”，这句短短的歌词已经足够把我的矛盾及无奈描述得很清楚。我总觉得我的梦想离我很远，想追，又有一种追不到的感觉；渴望，却不敢伸手拥抱。

兴趣及金钱，哪一个比较重要？如果想贪心点，两个都要，这是不是罪？没有金钱，人生就像断了翅膀的老鹰，动弹不得，处处受到阻挠。放弃兴趣，人生的30年里得面对着自己不喜欢的工作，仿佛失去了自己的灵魂。天啊，为什么你会制造这么经典的矛盾？

联络号码

2010-05-08T02:37:00.002+08:00

把手机里一些多余的联络号码删除是一件好事，看起来没那么凌乱。

一些曾经以为有用的联络，到头来我自己都想不起它到底是什么一回事，

想不起是为什么收起这个联络号码，

一些以为是很重要的联络，现在已经是一串没有意义的号码。

人生的旅程免不了收集联络号码，只是，最后才发现，原来时常联络的人，来来去去就是那几个而已，那，剩下的好像只是拿来填满电话簿。

难忘的热浪岛

2010-05-06T21:14:00.002+08:00

人生能得几回是那么地清闲？

下午在蔚蓝的海浪中打滚，

与无数的鱼儿共游，

疲倦得来又开心，

在棉花般柔软的沙滩上散步，

身上的海水不知不觉地被风吹干了。

暖暖的晚风奔向我的怀抱，

夜晚舒服地躺在网织椅上，

听着风诉说着一段美丽的相遇。

星星在辽阔而晴朗的天空上代表着无数的爱的誓言，

见证了人间的离离合合。

看着别人成双成对地走在黑夜笼罩的沙滩上，

让我期待我与她的华丽邂逅。

我会学着领悟两人的意义，

等待星星见证我们的爱情的那一刻。

等待

2010-04-19T13:16:00.004+08:00

花蕾在严冬悄悄地里去以后慢慢地把头抬起来，感受早春的气息，吸收大地的养分及春天的阳光。

花蕾先把自己埋没于绿叶之中，耐心地等待绽放的那天。

我，也会有绽放的一天。。。

虽然我可以

2010-04-18T02:24:00.001+08:00

纵使告诉自己要耐心等待，要享受当下，可是，一直都不能专心于自己的催眠之中，快要沉睡时，就会有可恶的杂音阻止我进入睡眠状态。

毕竟，我是期待的，期待她的出现，期待我的手指不再孤单的那天。

虽然我可以照顾自己，但我期待有人（除了爸妈之外）对我嘘寒问暖的那一刻。

虽然我可以再过多一年的单身情人节，但我想她成为第一个与我庆祝的人。

虽然我可以过得很精彩，但我还是想要有她的参与。

虽然我可以爱自己，但却会奢望会得到她的爱。

虽然我可以肯定自己的价值，但我更希望得到她的肯定。

虽然我可以单独吃晚餐，但却想要她陪我谈笑风生。

虽然我可以享受一个人购物，但却渴望可以牵着她一起走走看看。

虽然我可以不相信真爱，但却因为希望会遇见她而动摇了。

虽然我可以在试衣时不理会别人的评语，但我却想她告诉我我穿了很好看。

虽然告诉自己“爱要耐心等待，仔细寻找”，但却很想下一秒就遇见你。

对的人，你几时才会出现呢？

Monsters of My Life

2010-04-15T23:36:00.002+08:00

It's the "Exam occupation" at this time, bad time, stressed and yet, there is no escape from the reality, unless you really don't bother about your result. Obviously, I could not, so I have to grit my teeth and hold on to the torturous lifestyle.

My habit of doing my revision is to revise and take a small rest here and there whenever I want to. So, I love to listen to Gaga's songs and also watching clips about her songs, fan-made videos, on Youtube. And today, it occurred to me that "Hmmm, I should check out some information regarding her" and I read the description of her latest album "The Fame Monster" on Wikipedia. (Finally I searched something which is beyond syndromes or metabolic disorders...Gosh)

It seems that her inspiration of this album actually comes from her own fears, and she regards them as "monsters". In this album, she sings about her fear of the love monster, fear of the death monster, fear of the truth monster, fear of sex monster and so on.

This made me certain that she should win the "Top 100 Most Influential Persons in the World", carried out by the noted Time magazine. She is awesome! Instead of clinging to her fears and spending her time on being scared; she turns them into something useful - inspirations of her music career.

I have encountered many monsters too and like Lady Gaga, I am scared of them. I too, face the monster of truth, the monster of love, the monster of death, the monster of future, the monster of obsession, the monster of dream, the monster of commitment, the monster of loneliness and the monster of narcissism, to name a few.

Instead of scaring me away from the ugly reality of life, I hope these monsters could help me realize my insight and what I really want in my life.

未来啊，你是个怎样的未来啊？

2010-04-05T22:52:00.002+08:00

最近的心情愈来愈差，虽然跟爸妈他们商量过我的不安及我向往的未来，但心情就没有好过。加上现在考试将近，一大堆的笔记摆在面前，把原本不好的心情变得更糟！

我向往的未来，到底能不能够实现？怎么我觉得它离我很远？其实，很多人都告诉我未来的事，有个打算就好，不要太过在意，因为今日不知明日事，所以担心也没有用。可是，我也不知道我为什么会为了它而觉得很烦。。。嗨，我不可以这样，我应该把烦恼放在一边，好好的面对考试。

加油吧！

Obsession

2010-03-26T23:05:00.002+08:00

I'm so obsessed to military-inspired style. Although it is not the latest style but it's definitely a good one to follow. It brings out the toughness in you and yet you don't look cocky.

I'm starting my collection of military-inspired attire. This is my new obsession. @@

最初的感动

2010-03-21T18:31:00.003+08:00

星期日的下午，如一般的炎热，没什么两样。疯狂了一天，是时候安守本分，做该做的事。今天终于完成了两份的报告及一份的作业。午餐时间没事做，便一边吃汉堡包，一边看戏。最近都不追连续剧了，所以随心地开了一部旧连续剧的其中一集来解闷。《Charmed》是一部我很喜欢的连续剧，在2006年播完，总共有8季。故事说着三姐妹是传说中最强的魔法师，在得到了魔法以后如何在生活与任务上找到平衡点。虽然她们都有魔术，但各自一样面对自己生活上的问题，与凡人没什么不同；一样得面对生老病死的过程。我便开了第一季的第17集来看。

这集说的事她们为了逃避一个恶魔的追杀而用了一个魔咒，穿越时空而回到了小时候。故事的画面有着淡淡的感动。她们回到过去是看见自己小时候的那一幕真的很特别，而且很感动。你能够想象自己会到过去，然后现在的你跟小时候的你说话的情景吗？那，你又会对你自己说些什么？

我也很想向她们一样的魔术，可以施用魔咒，穿越时空，回到过去。只是，看来魔咒应该不能成真，因为我想回到太多的时空了，它会不知去向。

我想回到那个时候，我还是个婴儿的时候，只会东张西望，只会听见声音而听不见语言的时候。因为那时的生活不用听见别人说的话，好的，坏的全都不用听。那时的自己也没有任何想法，更加不知道自己是存在的。

在长大一点，婴儿的我长大了些，变成了小孩子的我。妈说我很乖。因为以前家境不好，所以不能拥有很多的玩具。每当我看见喜欢的玩具时，妈就会叫我把玩具握在手中，然后到数十下，数完以后就走，而我也没有闹脾气。我怀念那个容易满足的我。

我也想回到是小学生的时代，因为那时的我很天真。那时没有要求，只有很多愚蠢的想法。只想快快离开学校，可以不用做功课，不用再怕被老师骂，被老师罚。我怀念那个笨蛋又与世无争的我，被级任老师选为学长而伤心的我（也应该说是很没有自信, 但我不怀念缺乏信心的我)。我怀念婆婆喂我吃饭的中午（不是因为我依赖性强，是因为婆婆看不过眼我吃得很慢），不是因为有人伺候，而是因为那很温馨。

我怀念中学的我，虽然渐渐懂事，但不至于自大；虽然渐渐叛逆，但还是很清楚自己的去向（或许我那时也没有去向，只是沿着直路一直走下去，但现在已经快要走到分叉路口了。）。我怀念那个坚决的我，那个可以不睡觉而势必把书读完的我（怀念那份坚持，不是不睡觉的作风）。我怀念那个单身，但不会不甘寂寞的我。

过去，越来越美丽，只因为现状的衬托。我很想找回最初的感动。不知道，多年以后，我会怀念现在的一些什么呢？

梦。。。不落

2010-03-18T12:10:00.008+08:00

很久没有写部落格了，因为最近没有什么特别的情绪；最近都比较平稳，因为学业上的事已经快完成了，只是，我发现有一堆叠得像台北101一样高的笔记等着我去耐心熟读。嗨，这种情形让我麻木了，反正我也没心情去翻这些“我超爱的笔记”。

说到台北101，令我想起我们原本计划的有声有色的年底台湾之旅，不到一天就没了，因为我年底可能会要进行实验。过后，妈又给我一个像风一样的惊喜：六月的香港之旅！也一样没有了，因为姑姑在那时举办婚礼。。。嗨，我很没有旅行命的咯。。。要去旅行业没得去，还好有个Redang 来安抚我的失望，因为那里有我最爱的海，而且我们可以在那里疯狂地拍照，拍下我们即将慢慢被摧毁的青春。。。

最近真的发现自己越来越迷恋时尚，也变得很注意自己的身材，嗨，糟了，越来越自恋了。无时无刻都在向要怎样才会把自己的衣着变得更有自我风格。所以最近我浏览的网站都是一些与时尚有关的网站，阅读的都是一些潮男的部落格。

这样的生活从什么时候开始，我也不太清楚，不过我还记得它开始的原因。自从赵明福的死因不明而引起很多民愤时，来自泰国的Pornthip（报纸的译名：蓬蝶） Rojanasunand 负责检查他的死因。当然原因与赵明福无关，只是当时我注意到蓬蝶的发型很庞克，而且是被染成红色的，根本就不像是一个 forensic pathologist (我想不到怎样翻译，哈哈）的形象。过后，我爸从报纸上阅读了她的访问。爸说她的志愿其实是要当一名发型设计师，可是最后没有当上，所以也只好把自己的发型弄得时髦一些，好让自己可以了了未达到的志愿。就是她的这番想法照亮了我。

回想起来，自己都一直在发明星梦。从小就希望自己可以当歌星，因为自己很喜欢唱歌，而且对音乐也很敏感。就因为这样就去学钢琴。可是当时还小，不会想，学了一下就放弃了。现在超后悔。如果我继续学下去，那我现在还有一技之长；不想现在这样什么都不会。前几年，因为迷上“美国下一位名模”的真人秀而爱上了模界。虽然那个真人秀只关系到女模特儿，但我真的很羡慕，也很向往模特儿的工作。我觉得人的青春很短，而模特儿则能用他们宝贵的青春来赚钱，而且在赚钱的当儿，他们的青春同时被拍成了照片而“永生化”了。

发梦都梦到自己是男名模；走过杂志摊看见自己的脸出现在很多本杂志封面上，在街上走着看见自己的平面广告被放上街边的大荧幕上，走在商场上看见自己代言的香水品牌，看Youtube时看见自己走在名设计师的服装秀的舞台上，展现自己与服装的魅力，迷死全场的观众。。。哈哈哈。。。

* 快点起来，不要发梦了！*

所以，我的明星梦一直都在，只是我没有勇气去追求它。蓬蝶没当上发型设计师的原因我不太清楚，难道她那时也没有勇气去追梦吗？可是，就如她所说的，她也还可以做一些她自己喜欢的事来达成自己的梦想。所以我那时就开始慢慢的做自己喜欢的事，哈哈。开始认真健身，开始注意自己的衣着，开始观察别人的时尚理念，还有。。。开始爱上拍照，是被拍的那个，不是去帮别人拍哦，哈哈。总之，就是把自己的生活给“模特儿化”，时时刻刻都尽量让自己好看。

就这样的，慢慢就变成一个习惯，每天都会浏览潮男的部落格，开始注意春夏季及秋冬季的新风格，自己活在自己的梦想中，逃离现实的我，那个想要当生物化学研究者的我。最近发现自己对生物化学的东西越来越厌倦了。面对那些烦人的报告及什么基因的呈现（gene expression, 我不懂我的翻译是对还是错，哈哈），更让我反复自问自己是不是选错了科目？是不是该放胆去尝试别的行列，比如我迷恋的模界及娱乐圈？可是，我真的没有勇气。这样的尝试太恐怖了，就像用我的前途去赌一场。如果我赢了，我会很开心，因为我真的可以当上模特儿或歌星，实现我的梦想；如果我输了，我就一无是处，半天吊。

前几天，银问我为什么不放胆尝试。她说趁年轻时快点拿出勇气去尝试，可能会有意外的收获，就算失败了也不会变成以后的遗憾。我有想过，岁月不饶人，只是一直都提不起勇气去踏出第一步。就算要踏出第一步，也得先把自己的身材练好和把自己的皮肤调理好了再说。

你有梦吗？每个人都有梦，只是，有多少人会那么勇敢？你有勇气去追求你的梦想吗？

大家提起勇气，向自己的梦向前冲吧！

The UGLY diffrence

2010-03-03T16:58:00.004+08:00

Lately, I find myself very into the world of fashion. Actually, after all these years, I always pay attention to it but I didn’t really try to apply them in my real life. I was a fan of ANTM, but due to my recent busy life and also the lack-of-freshness in the show, I stopped following. I love the fashion industry for its glamour; it always looks grand and elegant. Until then, the previous shopping sessions for CNY new clothes has sort of triggered my interest to get involved in fashion and I started to view men’s fashion blogs. From there, I am exposed to the glamour of the industry, and I am very attracted to it, I just don’t know why. Luckily I am not rich, or else I might succumb into it.

Those blogs that I am following feature high-end fashion brands like you guys know of, for instance, CK, D&G, Armani, Burberry and LV (yes, they have menswear line as well). Besides that, there are many other brands which are less common in Malaysia, like, Dsquared2, Balmain, Lanvin, Bottega Veneta and more. What attract me is not only their super expensive prices for even a piece of small accessories like an armlet or a necklace, the way they sell their products to the world. Attractive ad campaigns for each seasons; some features elegance and glamour, others focus on high sex appeal.

Dsquared2 2010 spring/summer

Dolce & Gabbana

Bottega Veneta

Regardless of what their main focus is, each photo for the ad campaign is a fine piece of artwork. These photos remind me of my long forsaken dream of being a model. Haha, ya, that’s my dream, forever it will be, though I know it’s hard to achieve. Besides that, their new collection has become an obsession for the media and also fashionists all over the world. People are so keen in attending their runway shows. I just can’t stop wondering; is there really a flood of rich people out there? It’s unbelievable how these high-end clothing companies succeed in luring people into buying their products? Too many rich shopaholics around the world? Or people just can’t resist the lure of a luxurious life?

Despite of my fascination towards these high-end luxury goods, my rationality remains in me. Fashion is a fast-changing industry with two seasons (spring-summer and fall-winter) in each year, and if a person were to follow the trends for each season, not to mention to follow the trends strictly, he would be spending a fortune on clothing and accessories alone. These clothes are not cheap, they worth more than the monthly salary of a general clerk or janitor. Amazed by how expensive they are? Yes, extremely and unexpectedly expensive, and yet, there are people who can afford them.

Well, it’s a big world out there, ain’t it? People could be so affluent that they could afford a Hermes Birkin which could cost up to a price of more than USD 100,000, carrying it around the city; people could also be desperately poor until they could not even get enough of their basic requirements of life: clean water, food (not to mention nutritious food like meat and fish) and a shelter. This is how big our global social gap could be, what an ugly difference.

That’s why, I am grateful of what I have, although I am not rich and I certainly can't afford any of these brands mentioned above, but at least I have enough nutritious food and plenty of clean water and a place to stay (excluding the hot air in my house!).

Hope you guys feel the same way as well, be happy of what you've got. =]

你会爱吗？

2010-02-28T22:56:00.002+08:00

时间就是这样，无声无息的来了，也不道别就潇洒地走了。虎年前面的十五天就这样结束了，这十五天发生了什么事我都不太记得，因为就没什么特别的事会让我有深刻的印象。反正整个新年假期我就是在忙学业，也没什么喜气洋洋的心情。

年初一遇上情人节，据说是五十多年才会发生一次的事。上一次是在一九五多年发生了。多年后，时间的完美安排又让它们在2010年重逢。那么，等到下一次情人节在于年初一交汇的时候，我已经七十多岁，或许八十岁了。我会那么长命吗？生命中充满太多的未知数，而这只不过是其中一个，而且是毫不重要的一个。

年初一遇上新年，没有什么特别的感觉，只是回首看看自己已经走过的二十一年，发现自己的历史往往就是少了爱情的成分。我有疯狂过，只是不像人家说的“不风流则枉少年”的那种疯狂。但我没有觉得我的过去是流白的。我们的疯狂现在为我们带来欢笑，每次的聚会我们都会提起，然后都会笑。虽然它们已经离我们的世界愈来愈远了，可是画面依然如此的清晰，就像是昨日一样。我比较悲观，常觉得人只会对伤心的，遗憾的事铭记于心。看来这是不正确的。至少我记得我的疯狂及我的快乐。

我好像扯得太远了。刚才说发现自己的历史没有爱情的足迹。这其实是一个遗憾吧。毕竟，十七八岁那时是织梦的年纪，所以很多哲学家，导演都爱用这个年纪当主题，因为大家都不约而同地同意这个年纪是人生中最美的季节。我也不例外。那时是最美的季节，虽然有考试的压力，可是它路边的风景都很漂亮，如诗如画。可惜啊，只那么地短短两三年。现在回想起来，我又冲动再年轻五岁，让这美景从来。很多演艺圈的人都爱用“校园恋爱”这个主题来拍成电影。有《花样少男少女》，曾经轰动一时的《流星花园》，就连本地的制作也拍了《逆风十八》及《高校铁金刚》。校园恋爱给人一种莫名的浪漫及甜蜜。

这种织梦时期，让人觉得爱情是比糖精还要甜五万倍的东西，让人觉得爱情可以大过天，爱情只有甜蜜，没有苦恼。只是可笑自己没有在织梦时期有过这种感觉。你问我有没有渴望过恋爱；我会说有，只是不懂得学会把握。所以，校园恋爱在我的历史没有出现过。

织梦的年纪过了，那我还有梦吗？有，只是现在的我变得更加现实，更难去相信这些东西会实现了。虽然没有开始过，也没有遍体鳞伤的经过，但就觉得自己难以相信那些美丽的故事。

或许我是一个喜欢掌控一切的控制狂吧，哈哈，所以对于一些自己不能掌控的东西，何必抱着那么大的希望？有人说就是因为无法掌控，所以只能希望，希望它会实现。可是，希望越大，失望就越深不是吗？反正，爱情就是可遇不可求的。真的很难明白痴情的人是有着什么想法？如果默默地付出会换来回报，那也可能是为了你的付出，而不一定是为了你而改变吧。现实的我就是这么想。毕竟，现在的社会已经越来越腐败了，每个人都会为自己的前途铺路，利字当头的社会里真心已经贬值了。有谁真的还能为爱挡死，还能爱得那么不顾一切？就连爱情的悲歌也与日剧增，可见爱情的甜蜜是被质疑的。

这叫悲观吗？或许你们会认为吧。可是理智的我觉得当下的局面就是这样。或许是因为我没爱过，所以不懂爱的点点滴滴。我相信爱情，可是是另外一个版本的爱情。基督教把爱分为很多种，有 agape（就是最伟大，最无私的爱，基督徒视为上帝对世人的爱。对不起，我不相信，因为我没看见上帝的爱，或许因为我不是基督徒？哈哈，纯粹个人看法。），friendship, philia (父母与孩子之间的爱）及 eros （有私心，有欲望的爱）。我相信的爱情是 eros。现今社会就是为了私心及欲望而不断蓬勃，所以eros才是现代的《罗密欧与朱丽叶》。

既然那么丑陋，为什么还有那么多人爱的要生要死？难道这是一个好的现象吗？是指现代人还相信真爱吗？我觉得爱情应该被分为五种：agape, philia, friendship, eros, 还有 love for oneself。我想不到更好的词，vanity又不适合，因为它指的是自恋。让我依爱的程度来排，我会把 love for oneself 排在第一位，然后 agape, philia, friendship 及 eros。因为我觉得自己给自己的爱是最实际不过的，不用包装，不用故弄玄虚，以自己的方式去大胆的爱自己。

注：上面所提到的纯粹个人观点，不是有意中伤基督教徒，与宗教毫无关系。

爱自己。新领悟

2010-02-22T02:55:00.002+08:00

要当草食男并不难，只要有钱就可以了。这是我以前的想法。

之后，我才发现其实草食男不一定要很富有。只是，自己要懂得分配金钱上的花费，依据自己的喜好分析自己比较需要些什么，而什么是不需要的。我本身热爱手表，所以总觉得配件是很值得“投资”的东西。例如：手表，裤带，鞋子，眼睛及墨镜。哈哈，手表是我的命根，就算天旋地转，只要我有得买手表，心情立刻变好！鞋子也不错！

我发现自己最近都很羡慕那些超富有的草食男，因为他们真的太会宠爱自己了。一双几千块的鞋子，一件几千块的长裤，甚至一个上万块（马币！）的Birkin，对他们而言是志在必得。我真的不懂他们的钱是怎么赚的？难道是X身吗？哈哈。

有时候看了他们的部落格，觉得他们真的是爱自己爱到有点走火入魔。可是，只要他们放到一些有关手表的一些消息，我就会眼前一亮！哇哈哈，我很希望自己也可以拥有这么贵气的手表, 希望Cartier 及 MontBlanc 终有一天会成为我的手表家庭的一分子。。。实际一点，Cerruti 也很好了。哇。。。爽到。。。我想着想着都飞上天了。

虽然我很羡慕他们，但我还是清醒的。因为，不富有也可以以自己的方式去当一个不富有的草食男。爱自己，并不代表一定要样样都买名牌。宠爱自己，是要让自己过得更好，把自我价值提得更高。如果金钱上没有那种能力而不惜一切地宠爱自己，这样就使打肿脸皮充胖子，最终会为自己带来更多痛苦。这就有损了最初的意义了。

我会加油，为我的未来Cartier 及 MontBlanc而努力！woohoo~

It's too late to apologize...it's too late~~

2010-02-06T23:20:00.002+08:00

Thank you for how you behaved and reacted. I thought things were fine because of the way they happened. At first, I was expecting some awkwardness and I doubted on the decision to go over your place. I saw you left when I was there; though I didn't know whether it was on purpose. But after that, it turned out fine. I was really happy.

It's just that after the incident, I guess the crack is always going to be there. No reversal, no recovery, no return to the perfect friendship anyhow. Like a Swarovski crystal ornament, nice to see, good to hold, but once broken, it will not be as flawless and exquisite as before. Although super glue can partially repair it, if and only if the pieces are all found. But I lost one of them.

I apologized, but I don't think it was accepted. But regardless of how it turns out, I still have to say the word "sorry". I'm sorry.

《祝福了》许茹芸

2010-02-05T14:47:00.003+08:00

如果那颗星是你的心情，

欲言；又安静，

疏远；又靠近，

站在你的区域。

我也很安静，

远远看着你，

把想念藏在湿泪的手心。

只怕，不小心，

又会表错情，

以为还有余音。

已经微笑地祝福过了你，

去追求你真正想要的爱。

我可以在时光里检验自己是不是很孤寂。

虽然微笑地祝福过了你，

就不该有遗憾藏在手心，

但我听朋友说你眼中也有忧伤。

如果那朵云，

是我的呼吸，

漂过你窗前，

若打扰了你，

请你不要介意。

世界太拥挤，

以后，会注意，

会治好你要自由的距离。

直到发凝霜，

直到人已轻，

也是一种爱情。

注：原以为一些文字的解释可以挽回当时的感觉，但，绕了一大圈，我才发现，原来就连友情也都难以挽回，更何况是当时的感觉？无心的文字，可能在别人的眼里其实是一种利器。这道理，我学会了。只是，为什么会是要付那么昂贵的学费？我付不起嘞。

文字的力量果然像水一样，可以维持地球的生命；可以毁灭地球。我的文字一路来都是维持生命的泉源；只是，这次，我的文字变成了无情的大海啸。就像2012里面能够淹没大陆的大海啸。在毫无预警的情况下，方舟难寻，结果带来难以估计的伤害。

海啸若有平息的一天，我希望会有0000年1月1号的到来。

想家

2010-01-31T19:45:00.005+08:00

家，是心的栖息地，

心，累了，伤了，闷了，

一回到家就没事了。

家，是人的充电器。

看见家里的一砖一瓦，

虽然不是什么富丽堂皇的装潢；

看见家里的烂沙发，

更不是什么华丽的意大利名设计沙发。

但，躺下去的感觉胜过紫禁城里的龙椅。

昨晚，

爸妈打电话给我，

他们的第一句话令我于心有愧。

“哇，你几天没有跟我们联络了？

我们想你想到要哭了你知道吗？”

虽然，

语气是开玩笑的，

可是，

经过我的大脑分析后，

我感到惭愧。

真的很惭愧。

因为这两个星期的情绪波动很大。

应该说，我就像坐在过山车一样。

情绪的波动，

让我迷失了最初的我。

我很想告诉他们事实，

只是，

不想让他们又为我担心什么。

毕竟，好多了。

我很想跟他们说：

“我也很想你们，我累了。我要回家，却归不得。”

以现状来看，

我应该没有得回家了。

累了，突然累了。

可是，只要我想家，

想着那个我不需戴面具的地方，

我会比较好一点。

还有两个星期，

我会耐心的等待。

爸妈，对不起，

我也想你们，

只是我近几个礼拜有很多事情处理，

一天过一天，

不知不觉地

延迟了跟你们联络的那通电话。

只想说，

我的心永远向着北方海上的一个美丽小岛。

素食先生继续吃菜吧！ooishi desu ne!

2010-01-28T21:40:00.004+08:00

素食先生或许因为吃菜吃到腻了，又想尝试新事物，想转转口味，吃牛扒，是顶级的日本和牛扒。于是，便去了一间著名的高级餐厅那里去吃牛扒。

当高级餐厅里的服务生把那盘期待已久的和牛扒捧出来时，他突然因为嗅到牛肉的味道而感到反胃。或许，是吃素吃太久了吧，一时接受不了。

可是，有决心的他还是想大胆尝试，叫那服务生在捧上来。

一刀切下去，看见半熟的牛扒里的血腥，他又有点恶心了。可是，既然点了，为何不试一下呢？或许这次试了以后，发现自己原来爱吃肉，有一个理由去远离那些厌倦的菜哦！

于是，他把叉在叉子上，还有淡淡鲜血色的牛扒放进嘴里咬了几下，发现原来和牛的口感并没想像中的那么完美。牛，始终会有牛的腥味，真是不明白，为何会有那么爱吃牛扒的人。

素食先生以为自己找到了一个很坚固的理由去接受肉类，因为他认为是时候跟菜来个了断。可是，他绕了一大圈才发现，原来，他根本就只爱吃菜！

素食先生最终把咬在嘴里的牛扒吞下肚子。然后说：“不好意思，你还是清掉它吧！它，没有我想象中的那么好吃。。。啊，还有，请为我准备一份龙虾沙拉，还是沙拉最有营养，因为爱吃菜的人永远都是最健康，最容光焕发的！”

“可是，先生，你吃了牛扒，觉得不好吃，为何还要吞了下去？”，服务生一脸充满疑问的样子问道。

“因为，我想让这小块的牛扒提醒我，心想的，想要的，不一定是真实的。谢谢。。。”，素食先生笑着回答。

服务生当然不会明白这个莫名其妙的素食先生，但实际上素食先生自己是最清楚他自己的口味。他，脸上带着淡淡的微笑，自己对自己说：“我，还是比较喜欢吃菜，继续素食。肉类，还是留下次吧！”。

Je veux ton amour, et je veux ta revanche, je ne veux pas être des amis.

2010-01-27T23:56:00.003+08:00

It's so ironic that I always love this song of Lady Gaga..."Bad Romance" is so catchy and I fell in love with this song since the first time I listen to it on Youtube. After listening to it a few times, I could sing along so freely. Lady Gaga is a genius. Love at first listening...

I find the lyrics are very creative because it's a special way to express how much you want somebody's love. The lyrics express the feeling that indicates love is "all or nothing at all". If you love a person, love his/her everything, including his/her weaknesses. A bad romance could only be written when love is not passionate enough to accommodate the weaknesses of his/her another half.

The music video is also very special, Lady Gaga's bizzare outfit amazes me. Here's the link of the video. P/S: sorry, I don't know how to embed a video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrO4YZeyl0I

Below are some parts of the lyrics which I like very much:

I want your ugly

I want your disease

I want your everything as long as it's free

...

I want your drama

...

I want your love and I want your revenge

You and me could write a bad romance

I want your love and all your lovers' revenge

...

I want your horror

I want your design

Cause you're a criminal as long as you're mine

...

I want your psycho

...

I want your love and

I want your revenge

I want your love

I don't want to be friends

...

This song really applies to me so well. I want your disease, I want your drama, I want your psycho...It's like I know that one day these lyrics would apply to me, funny right?

Lately, songs are my friends. I really appreciate their lyrics so deeply. Just like this song "2 is better than 1" sung by Taylor Swift and Boys like Girls. Really meaningful lyrics.

I hope those people who are unsure of love will gradually realize that 2 is indeed better than 1...

Again, here's the link for the music video f this great song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E231TF4CzU0

讨厌。自己

2010-01-19T23:22:00.002+08:00

为什么我那么草食？

婆妈到不行，终日思前想后，想来想去什么都是空。。。

能不能发疯一下？面对自己的感觉，不要用头脑思考行吗？？

Unprecedented things happening on me

2010-01-15T01:36:00.002+08:00

Age and time must have changed me a lot, well, gradually. Sometimes we do realise our change but most of the time we just live our life until people come to you and tell you "Hey, you have changed!". Physical changes are, of course, easily noticed, or at least, easier to be noticed than the changes on our thoughts.

I find myself changed a lot ever since I left home and came to the university. A change could be either good or bad. I think change is a part of life and it only stops when you are not living anymore. I have to accept the changes happening to me and anyone around me because it is not my choice to choose whether to accept or to reject them. Most of the time, they just happen without your knowledge, until you realize and start to ask yourself "Why is this happening?". And, I have been asking myself this question lately. I noticed some changes I have yet to experience.

First of all, why am I always so tired? 24 units in one semester is very usual to me, it should not be a problem. I just don't know why I'm tired and what is the cause of my fatigue. Perhaps 8 am classes everyday except Friday? Ya, maybe, as I have problems with waking up in the early mornings and I crave for sleep a lot.

Then, the feeling of falling for someone often surfaces. I always consider myself as "icy", icy in love, but not in personality. But, lately I start to feel that my ice is melting as North pole is melting due to global warming. Heart warming alert?

无题

2010-01-07T00:34:00.002+08:00

酸酸的心，是否代表着自己在埋没自己的感觉？

你的声音在笑，我的心在动摇，

你的快乐，是我穿的保护色，

酸酸的感觉，表示我不是真正的快乐？

微笑地祝君安好，并不代表可以大方地面对现实，

但我可以在时光里检验自己是不是很孤寂。

人，

很可笑，

自己都不知道自己要的是什么；

或者说，

有时候是自己知道自己要什么，但却因为心里的另一个呐喊在作祟

而未能说出心声。

应该说，是我不会爱吧？

My first Japanese lesson

2010-01-04T19:47:00.002+08:00

Today I went for my first Japanese lesson. It's actually the third lesson as it started last week, but I only managed to register on last Wednesday night, so this makes it my first lesson. As expected, we are behind the others, lucky to say, they did not proceed far, at least, we could still catch up with what they have learned.

Like all other languages, we need to start by learning the alphabets, or known as Hiragana in Japanese. But, Hiragana is not really alphabets as ABC in English. It's something more like "characters" of sound. Each Hiragana has its own pronunciation. Learning the Hiragana includes learning how to write the characters (as in Mandarin) and also its pronunciation, because Japanese words are constructed based on Hiragana, for example, "watashi" is constructed from "wa", "ta" and "shi", same thing goes for "sakura" is built from the Hiragana's of "sa", "ku" and "ra". Learning to write the characters reminded me of the nostalgic primary school Standard 1, where we need to learn all the basics in Mandarin characters stroke by stroke.

Besides, we were also exposed to the simple, but important greetings that are required daily. For instance,

ohio gozaimasu - おはようございます (good morning),

konnichiwa - こんにちは (good afternoon),

konbanwa - こんばんは (good evening) and

oyasuminasai - おやすみなさい (good night).

I have quite a lot to learn in order to catch up with the lesson. I have 71 Hiragana's to learn! Better work harder...wish me luck!

My new year resolution for 2010

2010-01-02T20:33:00.003+08:00

It's 2nd Jan 2010 now, but I haven't really wished my visitors a Happy New Year! May you guys have a great 2010 and be well and healthy always. I celebrated my new year at Bukit Bintang with laughing gang of Penang. The countdown was filled with laughter, as pictured by the name "laughing gang". I hope 2010 would be a great year for everyone, with better opportunities in every aspect of life!

As suggested by many motivators, each new year should be accompanied by a new year resolution. By right, it should be done before the new year's arrival, but I did not figure out any goals in 2009, as I was still in a slacky mood due to the sudden change in my academic stuffs. Ah, let's not talk about that sickening change... @@

Anyway, I do realise that new year resolutions are important to keep us going, but trust me, I have never ever done any new year resolution listing before, so, I am going to do that for the first time of my life, in 2010. Well, it's a nice year to start right? At least, the year sounds great, twenty-ten... It's never too late to make a change.

A new year resolution need not be a very challenging one, nor it should be a very complicated one. Simplicity is the secret in making great new year resolutions, and consistency is the recipe of success. A new year resolution is a way to remind yourself to spend time wisely in order to achieve your goals, so that you do not waste a whole useful year's time on nothing.

My new year resolution is simple. I aim to:

1. Improve on my CGPA to its previous level, as it did come down for the previous semester.

2. Improve on my physique by making it to the gym 3 times a week and avoid meal skipping.

3. Improve on my sleep. I want to sleep at 12 every night... (otherwise if I have got outings and PARTY!!! LOL...)

4. Learn more on share tradings.

These four statements above would be my new year resolutions for 2010. My friends, please support me and feel free to remind me when I deviated from these aims! Everyone, let's work hard for a better 2010... XOXO

HATRED

2009-12-29T22:06:00.002+08:00

I hate UKM!!!!!!

H A T E H A T E H A T E H A T E...............

sophisticated science subjects in freaking BM is a mess...

离岛

2009-12-20T10:46:00.002+08:00

又是时候离开这个岛了，
好想依旧平时的习惯，继续睡觉，日上三竿也无所谓。
只是，少了一份睡意，多了一份清醒。

醒来看看外面的景物，
一切都如往常。
喜鹊为了生活儿到处飞；
蜥蜴很悠闲地在地上晒太阳；
我也如常地刷牙洗脸，第一时间喝蛋白粉麦片当早餐，
只是，少了一份平静，多了一份不舍。

算了一下，
这已经是第 n 次离岛了，
只是，少了一份坚强，多了一份情感。

每次离岛，
心情总是沉重的，
就像不懂事的小孩得不到心爱的玩具一样，
即无奈，又只能低头。
只是，少了一份幼稚，多了一份成熟。

有时想着，
自己真的那么爱家吗？
答案：好像不是，却不能完全说不是。
只是，少了一份肯定，多了一份质疑。

觉得自己很不成熟，
因为离开，可以让自己成长，
为自己的前途铺路，
但自己的心却呐喊不舍，
很不得体。
只是，少了一份温暖，多了一份忧虑。

人的心，
总是想着家的吧？
那，我的不舍也是人之常情。

只是，离岛令我觉得好像失去了一些什么，
不过，我还是原来的我。

时间不早了，
饭也快吃完了，
就在此向这可爱的岛道别。

八个星期后，我会再回来!

伯乐

2009-12-18T21:39:00.003+08:00

今天是公共假期，爸妈都清闲，所以今早一起吃点心当早餐。虽然说是吃早餐啦，但其实也不早了，将近午餐时间了。吃了点心就去拜神。今天难得下雨，所以天气不会酷热，谢天谢地。

今天算是家庭日，午餐也跟爸妈吃。吃着午餐的时候，谈到了 Prof. Yuen 。妈说他很欣赏我，叫我得好好珍惜欣赏自己的人。

有谁不希望自己被肯定，被欣赏？这么多年以来，身边出现的每一个人都可能是我的伯乐。而这么多次，自己瞎猜的人都一一令我失望。每一次的机会总换来一个假希望。

说的也是，古人有云：“世有伯乐，然后有千里马。千里马常有；但伯乐不常有。”，始终，要遇到一个欣赏自己的人已经是一件难事了，何况是一个想提拔你的人呢？看来，我下个学期的假期应该安守本分，虚心向学，在他的实验室工作久一点。这样，自己可以增加知识，丰富经验。他对我总算宽容，而他的宽容令我受宠若惊，更让我感到惭愧，因为自己的惰性竟然强过自己的上进心。不可以，我必须改过我的观点。这样我就可以过着很充实的假期。我很期待下一个假期，也希望教授他真的是我的伯乐，可以在茫茫的前路点燃一盏指引方向的明灯。

但在爱情上，如果我也可以有个伯乐从旁指点，细心教诲，那该有多好？

就像林宥嘉的《伯乐》里的歌词所唱的：“爱你的那一个，伤你的那一个，谁才是你爱情中的伯乐？放弃了这一个，然后等待着下一个，最后哪一个让你最舍不得？”。

可是，我没爱过，也没伤过，那又怎样知道谁是我“爱情中的伯乐”？

所以说，爱情真不是我的囊中物。还是自己爱自己来得比较实际。

Random

2009-12-07T11:52:00.004+08:00

A friend asked me how come I do not write any posts lately and I answered this blog is only active during the semesters. But, it occurs to me that it's a little bit unfair to this blog of mine, haha, as it usually engulfs my rage and sadness but seldom expresses my happiness.

It's time for me to write in English, because I find my English is rusting nowadays. I had trouble writing a sentence to comment in a friend's blog, damn! This could be due to too much exposure to Mandarin as I have just finished watching "Beyond the Realm of Conscience" A.K.A. 宫心计 from TVB. Fascinated by the unique ancient palace language, my friends and I have been using them in our conversation in Facebook, crazy huh?

Today is not my day; I woke up at 10am and felt that I am in a low-energy state. After taking my breakfast as usual, i start to have stomach discomfort and I fell sick then. I spent my whole evening sleeping. God, the feeling sucks! I could not do anything because I feel very tired and my mind made sleeping its priority, one day has been wasted for nothing. I was supposed to workout my deltoids today. My workout has to be postponed.

Nevertheless, falling sick today makes me feel grateful, well, even though I am sick. At least, I could really rest well at home. If I were to fall sick in Bangi, I am doomed. I will be burdened by the daily chores even when I am sick. I am lucky to fall sick here. Well, that's the advantage of being at home: you will not be forsaken.^^

压迫

2009-10-31T02:29:00.004+08:00

外面绵绵的细雨，打在屋顶上滴滴答答的，天气不会太冷，但这场雨足以让平时的热气撤退。这是一个很适合安稳入睡的晚上。

但，我却失眠了。凌晨三点钟，我聆听雨滴的足迹，但心从来没被雨滴的凉气平复下来。

最近发现到自己好像愈来愈不像自己。万锦杨到底发生了什么事？为什么每逢晚上，我头脑还是特别清醒？而且还会很不由自主地想起很多的东西。想起很多自己控制不到的东西，也想起一些自己可以控制的事情，但却不知所措。想起那些遗失的美好，想起自己这一路走来的蜕变，想起一些自己做过一些错的决定，想起自己的缺点，想着当下，想着她。想着想着又会把时光往前加速，想到自己的未来，未来的生活，未来的爱情，未来到底会怎样？

明天还有考试。若是以前的我，早就逼自己睡了。最近，觉得自己对考试看得没像以前那么重了。这是好事吗？我不懂。或许我开始发现人生不再是考试那么单纯。

今晚的雨不大。奇怪的是，整个下午的天都灰灰的，但怎么下的是绵绵的细雨呢？这场雨，似乎像我的心一样，被压迫着。我的心，其实很想狂奔；但往往许多里里外外的因素，造成我有一种无形的压迫，就像布满天空的乌云不能下一场倾盆大雨的无奈。

突然我好希望顿时下一场好大好大的雨，好让成千上万的雨珠为我的压迫感出一口气，让我可以聆听我的心声，更勇敢的找到真正的自己。

考试

2009-10-23T01:50:00.002+08:00

日子一天一天的走了，我还停留在原地。
来得及吗？还有五科嘞。。。

这次的考试令我感到很渺茫，但惟有抱着进取的态度去面对。
面对，并不代表不会害怕。
害怕，我真的不知所措，可是，我只能跟自己说“尽力吧”！

心动，是好事吗？

2009-10-22T00:03:00.002+08:00

我有着一颗不认识爱情的心。二十一年来，爱情从来没被放在心上。是我的心被别的东西装满了；还是我不懂得该把爱情摆设在心的哪个部分，这些我都不知道。曾经错过爱情，就是擦肩而过，可是没檫出火花。但也没什么奇怪，因为我的心对爱情还是很陌生。

上个学期的这个时候（温习周），曾经为它感到烦恼，甚至无法专心温习。考试将近，怎么这次又是在这种关键时刻，我的心又被风吹起了波浪？心动是好是坏？不过，这些好，坏都言之过早。葡萄才刚被收割，酒桶刚刚被钉成。葡萄需要被碾碎后放进酒桶里，盖好后摆放于适当的温度及湿气的暗房，慢慢酝酿，才会变成红酒。红酒的口感及味道多多少少受葡萄的素质影响，但酝酿时期是个关键。我相信，爱情也是如此。

所以，先好好温习吧！

《无题》

2009-10-16T02:31:00.002+08:00

跟她聊了天，觉得好高兴。

不知道为什么。。。反正就是高兴。

明天回家了，感觉真好。大家加油吧！

Moody + Confused = Unhappy?

2009-10-13T00:23:00.002+08:00

Exam is getting closer as each time the calender flips to a new page, and the pressure gradually builds up with an inversely proportional correlation with the time left. As mentioned on the previous post, I would describe myself as a potato couch lately; what I do the most is just eating and sleeping. Sloth totally consumes me.

I am left with the last assignment and this does not even excite me to quickly finish it in order to clear my to-do-list. Biometry and experimental design is not of my subject of interest, so I admit that my bad attitude would block that from my mind. But, the struggle is that, even if I dislike the subject, I still have to sit for the exam, cause there is no way out; it's a compulsory subject for a Biochemistry student. This is not my semester as many weird subjects are on the list: C programming ( Gosh, I totally hate this! I am so not a fan of programming and damn, I have to take this, it's compulsory too!), Recombinant DNA Technology and Biometry and Experimental Design. Flipping through all these notes makes me feel devastated as I don't know most of the contents, especially C programming. I need a very much longer time to really get to know what are all these subjects about and time is running out, but laziness persists in me. I must quickly switch into study mode! *click*

Today is the last session of the TDR lab, better known as the Recombinant DNA Technology practical. Today the session ends 2 hours earlier as we are allowed to visit the Malaysian Genomic Institute(MGI). The visit is quite helpful in assisting me to have an insight of what I really want in future. MGI carries out many researches, namely protein expression, microarray, DNA sequencing and so on. DNA sequencing is totally out of the list as I hate to work with computers from morning to evening. Protein expression, maybe, as it involves microbes. Microarray, quite relevent to cancer research, but I just don't know why am I not interested. Suddenly, I am starting to feel that I am not so into lab work... Previously, I thought I would prefer lab work rather than everything else as I have had bad experiences working with humans (customers), who keeps on bothering me with many unnecessary problems and I though that lab work would bring it to the minimum level. However, currently I have to admit that my thoughts are starting to shake as I find myself getting a little tired for being in the lab for long hours. Imagine in future, it's going to be from monday to friday(or even saturday in private companies), and for how many years would it lasts? Gosh, I am sweating even when I am only thinking of the situation.

So, what's next? Why am I so fickle-minded and unpredictable? I am starting to worry as I only have 3 more semesters to really think about it before I come to another decision-making threshold, again...Think properly.

Laziness

2009-10-11T22:14:00.002+08:00

After so many posts, i realized that my blog has become a mandarin dictionary. Time to switch back to English, for a change, at least.

Why am i so lazy lately? I am craving for sleep, even after getting sufficient sleep. I grab every single chances of evening naps, and yet can't have enough of them. Further more, they are not really naps; they could last for 2 hours+ if my free time permits. ArrHHH, I am so lazy lately.

The weather is getting scorching hot lately, never improved eversince I am back from Penang after the Raya holidays, only gets worse day by day. This type of weather makes people feels dizzily tired, even when you are just sitting there, doing nothing but surfing the net. Is this the perfect explanation for my sluggishness?

The semester is ending soon. Time to start getting serious with my studies, though I am absolutely reluctant of that. Looking forward to going back to my little but fantastic island.

《我不是你想象那么勇敢》

2009-10-08T00:59:00.004+08:00

有时觉得梁文音的这首歌很适合我，可以说是唱出了我的心声。
有时真的觉得自己不是真的坚强及勇敢，只是戴上面具来隐藏心中的恐与慌。

诉说心情

2009-10-04T21:34:00.003+08:00

忙了两个月，现在终于放慢了脚步，当回原本万锦杨。

昨晚，会是我一生难忘的一晚。在三千位观众面前表演，人生会有多少次机会呢？或许昨晚就是唯一一次的机会。化完妆后集体流泪的经验，哭得稀里哗啦后，又忙着去补妆，这种经验是独一无二的。

这个星期，真的很忙。忙到没见到housemates，忙到每晚只睡大约五个小时，忙到不断自问为什么要参加这活动，忙到很想放弃。

回顾面试，那时的我完全不会演戏，可是却误打误闯地被选为演员。在过程中，一开始，我超爱去练习，因为觉得很好玩。到拍戏正式开始时，我的噩梦也就开始了。被老师们挑戏，挑来挑去都是挑着同样的东西，因为我改变不到自己的演艺方式，很僵硬，不自然。挑到老师也感到不耐烦的同时，我自己的信心也渐渐磨损了。当时不断收到批评，但无论怎么改，都改不到老师要的东西，那种心情是从来没有经历过的。那时，每逢练习，我都会感到厌倦。可是，我还是得走下去，以那剩下的信心继续撑下去。一直到上个星期彩排时，又再次受打击。在六七十人面前被老师批评，这就像在我的伤口上撒盐般的痛。可是，我知道老师的出发点是好的，所以才有力量坚持下去，才会有昨晚的成就。

昨晚的心情分享环节，老师要我们回顾整个过程。随着音乐的播放，我边想边流泪了。每个老师都出来说出自己的感受，场面感人，连一些助导及工作人员也跟着一起哭。秋坪老师出来说话的时候，让我更感动，因为我知道她在说着的那个人是我。到昨晚那个时候，我才知道，其实我应该衷心感谢她，以及其他老师当时对我的坦诚批评。是他们令我成长的。真的很感谢老师们的耐心及包容，也谢谢明杰老师跟我分享他的经历，让我能够勇敢地站起来。谢谢战友们的支持及鼓励，没有你们，我走不到那舞台上。PT30 是我们共同的回忆。

突然间，好想念这一切哦。可是，它已经是过去了。今天起，就当回自己吧！应该说，是变成更好的自己。希望大家日后还会有缘在聚。

或许，放松会比较好。。。

2009-09-14T01:22:00.004+08:00

今天明杰老师挑第二幕，第四场的戏。整体感觉是紧张。可是，一开始，我却给不到紧张的感觉。为了营造紧张的感觉，明杰老师叫我跑一大圈后就立刻回去演，效果果然不同；大有改进。那时，觉得还蛮满意的，因为总算做到明杰老师要的东西，只是还有一些瑕疵需要注意，要再去改善。

但，被秋萍老师叫去挑第二幕，第二场的时候。都还没有真正开始挑，就被秋萍老师批评了。还是那老问题，就是我的演技根本塑造不出一个五十多岁老人的感觉。而且，整体就是有一种不自然的感觉，太不生活化。或许我的不自然会让她抓狂，因为听明杰老师说她是一个比较容易激动的人。所以，秋萍老师教我把东西放在背上，好让我自己相信自己是驼背的，是个老人。过后，秋萍老师又给我训话了。上个星期，我告诉她我的考试压力很大，所以不能很豪放的把专注力全放在演技上。看来我给她的理由一定让她叹气吧。对于他们这些专业艺人，自己的生活和演戏是绝对不能够混合在一起。可是，过后我自己才发现，我只是个学生，不是什么专业演员。我希望我的情况会被他们体谅，毕竟我是个毫无经验的新人，而且同时兼顾五个考试，还有活动也不是举手之劳的芝麻绿豆事。

她今天又跟我说回同样一番话，就是叫我放下自我中心，要演的不是自己；是剧里的角色。我就是不明白为什么我捉不到这点。我不是不明白，就是不知道要怎么做。

我回答她：“老师，我知道。我也很想进步，可是我越想进步，我就好像越进不到，反而后退了。”

她则说：“既然你知道会这样，怎么不能放松自己，不要逼自己那么紧呢？越去思考，越去故意安排就会越不自然。每个人都是从零开始啊。”

我又回答她：“可能是因为我是一个对自己要求比较高的人。"

我的名句又来了。对自己有要求，就好像是一种推动力。

但，秋萍老师的话让我反复自问我是否逼自己逼得太紧了呢？逼到我不能自然的去融入剧情，融入角色里面？不是应该对自己要求高才会有进步吗，怎么竟然出现反效果？又或许，我没什么天分？也许用一颗平常心来面对会比较好吧。。。

精神分裂。。。

2009-09-07T02:03:00.002+08:00

朋友看了对我有所相劝，冷静看待我刚才的情绪后，才发现我干嘛要这样在意人家在说什么？他说我，我会死吗？他/她的烂嘴讲了我之后就会变好吗？

现在我好像在搞精神分裂似的，哈哈。。。

是啊，我得演技是差，是好笑啊，有时回想起来我自己也会笑啊，可是我已经用我有的时间，尽我所能了，所以也没什么好说的。要说的就只能说干嘛我与那个角色起不了共鸣，根本联系不到那种对的感觉，无论是肢体动作，或是精神上的，情绪上的那种感觉，演出来的时候，就是显得格格不入。可是，我还是得想一下要怎么样去改善。

这就意味着，万锦杨啊，你不是一个当明星的料，少发什么明星春秋大梦啦！还是当回那个原本的万锦杨比较踏实。奥斯卡奖根本不是我的命运，反而相比之下，我拿到诺贝尔奖的机率可能远远地超越了我拿奥斯卡奖的机率哦！

心绪。复杂

2009-09-06T20:45:00.002+08:00

不是伤心，可是就是心里感觉到不爽。不是被别人讲中，只是自己好像没什么勇气去面对自己的缺点。更不是生气，只是觉得怎么人会说出这样的话。虽然是事实，只是说出来也会让我有所困扰。不知道怎么形容现在的感觉；似生气非生气，似低落非低落，总之就是奇怪的感觉。

是啊，我是演得不自然，那又怎样？我管你是资深的，还是新人，那又怎样？你还不是靠经验才会有今天吗？有谁没有第一次？现在讲这句话的人很了不起吗？很厉害吧？这么厉害那你就别在这里演什么国大中秋舞台剧啊，干嘛还在这里埋没自己的资深演技呢？干嘛要这么苦了你自己，跟我这种演技超烂，烂到爆的人演呢？还会害你，或是害到别人笑场，拖累到你的成就。你不会去TVB啊？还是觉得自己配不上那种水准吗？那就去MediaCorp试一试啊！

对，你说的话，都是事实。我确实是演得很不自然，我确实是有很多莫名其妙的动作会让你们感觉到好笑，甚至连我自己也不知道为什么我会这么不自然，那么莫名其妙。可是，说这句话的人，你不觉得这样子在背后说人很缺德吗？每个人都有缺点。如果说，我会让你有一种不自在的感觉；或是我给不到你要的对手戏，那你就当面告诉我啊，这种东西不是应该靠合作关系，而大家是必须一起进步的吗？总好过你在背后说我，还要我从别人的口中听来，干嘛做人那么鬼祟？你当面跟我说，我可能会很坦然接受；但同样的话，经过第三者的口说出来，听了总让我感到反感。

无论如何，或许我真的不是当演员的料，没有你那种了不起的天分，但我会尽我所能去改善，我不会拖累你的，你放一万个心吧！

阿婆，您这样就走了一年。。。

2009-09-01T01:32:00.002+08:00

阿婆，今天是您的死祭。这样，就过了一年。一年了，没见到您的日子已经有一年了。

虽然你已经不在我们身边，但我们仿佛都感觉到您的存在。每次回家，当我们一家人聚在一起的时候，都会不时地想起您。每次我们到外面吃煮炒时，我们总记得您那黑得像火炭的脸孔，一边吃，一边骂我们爱浪费钱。我们也记得你一骂，就至少会维持两个星期。每次我们吃蚝煎的时候，一定会大笑，因为我们想起你煎的蚝煎。您说：“蚝煎很容易弄的，蚝放下去煎一下，再放一些薯粉及鸡蛋下去煎几下，不就行了吗？”但，您弄出来的蚝煎好难吃哦，不过我们还是吃了。我们说到芋头糕的时候，一定不会忘记您的招牌小食，因为您做的芋头糕最好吃。

我当然不会忘记，小时候，您逼我吃饭的那很凶的样子。还有，您每逢新年都会做 Kuih Bangkit 来卖，而赚到的钱又会用来买衣服给我们。我不会忘记我五岁那年，您跌倒，跌得头破血流，满地都是血，而我不知所措，只好在神台前大哭大叫，求观音保佑，还好观音慈悲，让邻居路过，听到我的哭叫声，才会把您送到医院去。您进医院的次数还真多，怎么这样？每次都爱弄到大家焦急。还记得那次2005 年，医生说您不行了，赶去医院时看见您心跳每分钟一百八，那种辛苦的样子，看了真是让我当场崩溃大哭，还被同学看到。那时，我真的以为您会离开我们，那种即将失去而无法挽留的心情是言语无法形容的。奇迹似地，您又从获健康，出院了。那次以后，我好像渐渐就忘了要珍惜身边的人。总爱抱着“还有以后”的心态，我说我工作了，要买东西给您吃，可是却一拖再拖，就到我离开家，要去大学的那个时候。那时虽然您已经不太清醒了，我临走前还泪汪汪地跟您拍了张照，若没记错，好象是我们仅仅的一张合照。只可惜，那时，您或许都不知道为什么阿杨在哭，为什么要跟你拍照。那时还告诉自己假期回家时一定要买东西给您吃，可是，万万没想到，我都没机会了。为什么要那么早走呢？待久一些，不好吗？不想看我毕业吗？不想看我带女朋友回来给您看吗?不想要看到我工作的模样吗？怎么不留久一点呢？怎么不要我请您吃呢？

阿婆，虽然以上的问题，我都知道，您的答案会是“要，很想！”；但生死不由我们做主，人就是如此地渺小，怎么想多看身边的人几眼都没有权利，就像我现在想在被您骂，被您笑，想吃您的芋头糕的权利也没有？我会好好的，只是因为今天是您的死祭而我又无法回家为您上香，而感到遗憾，才会难过流泪，就像去年您去世时我也没办法回家送您最后一程。怎么每次我都无法出席这些重要的仪式？好遗憾，也非常地愧疚，没办法向您敬礼，只能隔空向您说谢谢。谢谢您，阿婆。

《康熙来了》，让我有所感触。。。

2009-08-26T01:27:00.003+08:00

明天又考试，可是却不知为什么一点都不累。或许读了书以后，头脑都塞满了那些很烦的东西，所以睡不着吧。想着想着，不如看一集的《康熙来了》来娱乐一下自己！

因为前几天都有下载了好几集，所以就随便播了一集看看。这集的话题是“我发誓，我真的没男朋友！”，说的事几名女艺人已经单身好久的经历。原本这种话话题应该是蛮无聊的，因为总爱挖人家的是非来娱乐大众，真是缺德到极点；可是嘉宾当中有一位年纪比较大的，叫宝妈，她是个离了两次婚的人，两场婚姻都面对失败。

康，熙都一直在挖苦她，可是她也只能一笑置之，显得非常镇定，因为她哭过了。就算眼泪洗了她的眼睛，她也还是要面对现实。

嘉宾都是年轻貌美的女艺人，而且都是单身。只由她一位是结了两次婚，而且年纪比较大的。节目里大家都在聊对象要具有什么条件，很多都说了那些很梦幻的条件，比如高大威猛，又帅，又聪明，又有钱，又体贴。。。

宝妈听了就说：“这些都太梦幻了，你们如果真的跟着这些条件去找一个对象，那你们就打算不用嫁了！”。

听了宝妈的这番话，好像也在对着我说一样。朋友时常说我，我都口硬，不爱承认。可是，偶尔我也觉得自己太会挑了，就是“太梦幻了”，要有气质，要够高，又不可以太胖，又不可以太瘦，又不可以太爱撒娇，又不可以太自我，又不可以太没主见，又不可以太粗鲁，又不可以太天真，又不可以太木衲。。。可是，我就是这样难伺候，难满足，怎么办？难道我也打算不用取吗？哈哈。。。

咳，说真的，有时候，我自己想要什么我都不了解。要我把条件放低吗？有好像不太办得到。。。要跟着条件找吗？肯定找不到。。。所以，最好的是，跟着感觉走！哈哈，感觉最重要嘛。。。我等着的你，你在哪里啊？谁的心是我最后一站？咳。。。

人

2009-08-14T01:38:00.002+08:00

为何一种米可以养百种人呢？那，又为什么百种人却不一定只吃一种米呢？

人，真的是很奇怪的动物。复杂，又难以了解。

有人勇敢追求爱情；有人却逃避。

追求爱情的人，可以不顾一切地往前冲，就算头破血流也不会畏惧。他知道他要的是什么，就算追求过程受伤，他也觉得无所谓。若受伤可以得来爱情，他宁愿遍体鳞伤。
逃避爱情的人，就算爱情像南瓜车般地来到了面前，他也会一笑置之。因为他知道，南瓜车虽然外表光鲜，十分迷人；但车里的人或许并没像那包装那么地吸引。

追求爱情的人，理智告诉他，爱情是他的梦。
逃避爱情的人，理智告诉他，爱情是他的梦；只不过他睡过头了。

追求爱情的人虽然清楚自己在做什么，但却不想清醒，因为他害怕付出一切后却一败涂地。
逃避爱情的人虽然清楚自己在做什么，但却很想不清醒，因为他希望他可以有一次盲目地勇敢。

求爱的人或许求了一生都求不到他要的爱。
躲爱的人或许躲了一生还躲不了他面对的爱。

既然各自有各自的痛，而各自的痛确是对方的乐，为何不要互补呢？
为何大家还要在圈圈里不停地独自晕眩，而却乐在其中呢？

雨后的心情

2009-08-12T21:47:00.002+08:00

最近的天气真的很闷热，晚上的空气也总是很沉，开着四号风扇也会流汗。

刚才总算下了一场雨，是一场大雨，把周围的热气都散发了。

由于刚才下着雨的时候我在外面，正帮朋友庆祝生日。

也许最近比较忙，心情都处于比较紧张的状态。所以刚才坐着等候雨量变小的时候，突然觉得雨的声音很悦耳。

雨滴就像是一串短了弦的玻璃珠一样，一颗一颗地落在地上。发出来的声音也很响亮，就好像把我心底深处正在沉睡的我给唤醒了。

虽然刚才那场雨下得很大，可是我一点都不烦。反之，听着大雨的“沙沙声”，有一种莫名的舒畅，就好像大雨把我身上的不安及烦恼都洗得一干二净一样。

雨后的空气真的清凉许多，大地也好像有一种重生的感觉。人的心如果也有乌云，那人的心也会下雨，洗涤疲倦的心灵，那该有多好。

能吗？

2009-08-01T16:45:00.002+08:00

之前说到我去国大中秋舞台表演的面试，结果入选了！心里非常高兴，因为这是难得的机会。

可是。。。

看着笔记簿的 To-do-list 上的功课慢慢地在增加，有一些tutorial及 assignment。实验又慢慢的全都开始了，从这个星期一开始，我一个礼拜要上四堂的实验。每次最快也需要两小时多的时间，再加上还有一天是九到五都在实验室里。做实验报告都做到手软了。。。

突然我心里感觉冷了。我应付得来吗？我能吗？

再看看日历，今天已经是八月了。月尾，期中考试将开始了！书没读到，有五科考试。。。

我原本兴致勃勃地，一心想要加入舞台表演；现在我却反复自问：到底这选择对不对？。我是不是有点犯贱，又自相矛盾？

可是，我又不想临阵退缩。唯有希望一切安好。

我是时候学会安排时间了。。。

The AUDITION

2009-07-19T22:24:00.002+08:00

Today is the audition day for UKM's 30th Pesta Tanglung Stage Performance, and I decided to give it a try. We could audition for either acting or dancing or even both, but I chose acting because I don't think I can dance. I am stiff like a twig, xD...

It was a very fun day. First, we had a warm-up session which involved some free dance, and I was like "oh my God, I'd tried to avoid dancing and now I have to dance?"... But turned out, I love it...They played some random musics and we have to move accordingly to the music, each of us are given a chance to lead the dance. Too bad I got a slow, traditional Chinese music >< So sweat...-.-"

After that, we played a game, sumthing like hide-and-seek, but not exactly the same. This is to test how fast could we react... luckily i made it to the last few before losing, hahah... Then, my favourite part is up - the catwalk session. We are asked to walk in a very confident way and to behave like a supermodel, and the judges were there to observe our level of confidence...

The real audition followed. The chi kek part was this...a 2-minute background music was played, and we have to cry within that period of time... I cant...hahah... I thought I could cus I am quite emotional, but I failed. I was amazed by the spontaneity of a few girls who cried rightaway when the music had just started to play! Now I totally believe that a professional actor/actress has the capability to cry spontaneously... Well, seeing is believing.

Finally, we were asked to form a group of 2 for the interview session. Because there are odd numbers of contestants, I was in a group of 3. We are being interviewed by 4 teachers, and 1 of them asked :" Are you willing to cut your hair or even ugly-fy yourself for a character?" and I answered smoothly a yes...And now, I am a bit worried...hahah... I answered this question a little too soon without further considerations... We are required to sing a song as this year's performance is a musical show, so we are tested and considered based on our singing. After the interview, we have to put on a short act for about 1 minute and the story was about a quarrel, a quarrel between a parent (mother/father) and a son/daughter. For my group, we did the story of a son and a daughter quarrelling with their mother... We came up with quite a different story because we have 3 members and luckily we were given enough time to present the story well and the judges understood.

I think I did okay in the audition. I have no experience in such performance and I hope I am given a chance to try this once in my life...*Praying for the best, result will be notified within the next week*

Holiday Report

2009-07-07T16:06:00.006+08:00

A summary of my activities in the 2-month holiday

Holiday, it’s over. Busy life, hello… 2 months, honestly, is not long but it’s not short either. Many things can be done in this time frame but not everything can be finished, of course. Time is always precious to me as I feel the urge of appreciating the present days and cherishing the youth we have now before you start to lose them one day.

Back to my hometown, one sure thing is FOOD, FOOD and FOOD. Going around tasting the delicious hawker foods and local delicacies is a very rewarding activity. Besides, this gives me a chance to take a good look of the place I once wanted to escape; yet I realize how much I like it now. The trip to Penang UNESCO sites was great, a chance to get together with old friends, jokes and laughter and the delicious foods we have tasted are a few things to enjoy. Penang deserves the title as a world heritage site. Now only I realize there are many old but unique buildings around Georgetown area. Therefore the city council should increase their effort in maintaining a clean city in order to parallel with its status as a world heritage site and to further push its popularity as an international tourist site.

Secondly, a holiday will surely be packed with gatherings with classmates and schoolmates. Most friends who are studying in overseas come back for holiday as well. So this is the time where most of the people are back to Penang and nevertheless, a good time for gathering. It brings back all the high school memories and funny stuffs among our friends besides giving us a chance to update our current status. I am grateful everyone is well and our friendship remains intact even if we do not meet each other as often as before. We went to Pantai Kerachut and this time, I was lucky enough to finally have the chance to watch baby turtles.

Hatchlings are kept in a big blue tank for a day before being released into the big blue sea. This helps to increase their survival rate in the cruel environment.

Baby turtles close up.

This is my first time of getting to see baby turtles. Too bad we are not allowed to touch them.

How could I forget about the movies and the cinema? In this entire holiday, I have finished watching a few drama series like Little Nyonya and 老婆大人。I watched 巾帼剿雄 halfway from the middle when I was back from my favourite campus, wow, love it! I watched a number of dramas as well. Angels and Demons, Night at the Museum 2, Terminator Salvation, 17 Again, Drag Me to Hell and TRANSFORMER 2: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN! Drag Me to Hell was okay, Angels and Demons is way better than The Da Vinci Code. 17 Again is a very nice show, very meaningful, makes me wan to be 17 again, but I cant...Transformer is nice, great technology on all the robotic moves and the fighting scenes and most of all, Megan Fox is hot!

Coming back to hometown allows me to spend more time with my family. I accompanied my mother to the dragon boat practice; an activity ran by the Cancer Link centre. I knew dragon boat all the time but never really have the chance to participate in this water sport. I am a fan of water sports and this is my chance to give it a try. Despite of the hot sun in the evenings, I found myself fell in love with dragon boat rowing. It’s a strenuous exercise and a good form of cardio. Definitely asking for more, but too bad, the practice is only once a week, so I only went there for about 6 times. I am looking forward to the year-end holiday for more dragon boat rowing. Consequences of this sport is that I've become even darker, but never mind.

I hit my 21st by 27th June. My birthday celebration with family and friends were great. My friends lit a BIG “21” using candles on the beach behind Crown Prince. This year I had the privilege for choosing my own present and I receive presents from my parents too. Thank you for all the presents.

A simple but special celebration at the beach near Crown Prince.

The BIG 21...

How it looks without the camera's flash light...

No mercy even on my birthday...TT being bullied even when taking pictures, haha...

T-shirt and shoes are from my dearest mummy, others are from friends. The picture does not show my complete present collection, sorry about that. I received another wallet from my dad and another t-shirt from my uni friends. Thank you!

回到大学

2009-07-06T00:07:00.001+08:00

又是时间回来大学了。两个月的假期就此结束了。要离开家的时候，那种莫名的离愁又涌上心头了。好奇怪，已经离开家一年了，怎么还会这样？但不只是我一个人有这种感觉，是不是大家都还在学习独立，学习一个离开家的方式？或是我们的心都不曾真正地离开过温暖的家？

昨天爸和我一起过来。这次我驾车下来，所以爸就教我该走哪条大道，什么状况又该拿什么主意。前天也刚学会如何换轮胎。突然发现自己虽然二十一了，但还有很多东西都不懂。其实，我最近发现近几年我都不太开心的原因是我沉没在成年与少年的那种尴尬之中。像这次驾车下来，我就已经烦恼了很久，烦着汽油的消费，烦着如何控制自己的消费。现在我搬出来住了，住宿费方面明显地增加，再加上汽油的费用，我担心自己会花得太多。在这件事看来，我像个大人，因为我会为我自己的金钱担心。但实际上，我不知道要怎么规划我的消费，就像个挥霍的少年。我还是很容易被怂恿去做很多花钱的事，我还是个不会赚钱的花钱工具。我很讨厌这种感觉。

想了很久，也忍了很久；但一直都把一切藏在心里。

直到前几天，妈载我去吃午餐时，在车上突然向我说：“哼，你的病又来了？”

“哈？什么病？”

妈就笑着说：“这是你爸说的，他说你每次要回去的时候就会板着你的苦瓜脸，然后就会变哑吧，不能出声。”

这确实是我的“病”。我每次要回来时都会这样，我得心情都会很灰。我平时都抱着抱喜不报忧的心态去面对我父母。不是想要隐瞒，只是不想他们多心。这次刚好妈提起了，我就破例一次。或许是我面对得很累了，所以就说出来。

“我不是伤心，只是我怕这次回去，我会花得太凶。怕我驾车去，油钱会很贵。”
我妈听了，沉默了一瞬间，然后就说：“该花的就花吧！不该花的，能免的则免。就这样啊！”
我听了，便沉默了好久。她又接着说：“家里不富有，一路以来都这样啊，不就用以前的花钱方法就行了吗？别想那么多啦。”

这件事很快就传到爸那边去了。晚上，爸就跟我说了一翻话。我听了，觉得他是要我自己找出一个平衡点。人生不容许你拥有很多的一切，但并不代表你不能拥有一切，只是一些东西会拥有得少一些，有些东西拥有得多一点，自己就要选择自己要什么多一点，做出对的选择。就像我妈说的，该花的就花；不该花的，能免则免，本来就是这样。

摊开心门的舒畅

2009-06-17T18:40:00.002+08:00

好久没有这种感觉,
如此地自在,
如此地无束.

带着面具的生活真的很辛苦,
整天自欺欺人,
根本就不快乐,
甚至令我感到生活很厌倦,
每天都很不期待明天的来临.

但现在,
我把面具摔破了.
是你让我知道何为真心.
再难听的话,
再残酷的事实,
都得说出口,
这样彼此才称得上真心朋友.

谢谢你的坦白.
我知道我自己的缺点,
然而我只会听到别人在我背后的批评及讽刺.
我会积极改变自己.

我终于感受到久违的痛快,
也是摊开心门的舒畅.

Holiday post

2009-06-03T22:07:00.004+08:00

It has been quite awhile since my last post. my frens said tat my blog is only meant for uni destress purposes, haha, i guess i know y they say so. cus i only update my blog during my schooling days.

The 3-week job was good as i did learn quite a lot from it, despite it's a short period of time. seen many new things tat i've studied b4 but nv really see them, eg. HPLC (High Performance Liquid Chromatography), GCMS (Gas Chromatography Mass Spectrometer), LCMS (Liquid Chromatography Mass Spectrometer), fluoroscent HPLC and many other machines used in the analysis of biological n chemical samples, tableting machine and dissolution machine. Too bad thr is no electron microscope in the lab, so i dun hav the chance to see tat. Too bad i could jus see the machines but din really use them before. i also witnessed how they carry out BE (bioequivalence) study in GH.

Holiday has started 3 weeks ago. but it seems to me tat it has jus begun as i was working in may n now tat i've stopped working, i truly feel the freedom n leisure of a typical holiday...well, one good thing is tat i can catch up my pace with the series i hav once watched n stopped watching. but i afraid tat i might run out of series to watch. anyone has any good series to suggest?

如果

2009-04-14T15:35:00.002+08:00

如果当初没那么多顾虑,
也许今天就不会那么心酸.

如果当初勇敢一点,
也许今天会幸福一点.

如果当初靠近一点,
也许今天会亲密一点.

如果当时冲动一些,
也许今天会美好一些.

如果那时天真一点,
也许今天就会成熟一点.

如果那时诚实一点,
也许现在不必欺骗自己.

如果那时盲目一点,
也许现在没那么麻木.

如果时间可以倒退一点,
也许我希望会是三年前.

如果能够回去,
我希望我能够把如果变成结果.

只恨时间不顾一切往前奔,
没说出的心声早已变历史...

而我,
只能从历史中吸取经验,
这样才能拥有下一片天空.

没有感觉

2009-03-16T00:39:00.002+08:00

夜，渐渐深了，
但我依然不想睡。

不知道为什么，
贪睡的我竟会这样？

什么都不想做，只想听歌，
因为跟着歌词及旋律漂浮觉得非常自在。
此时此刻，我竟然可以感受到没有感觉的感觉。

只需跟着一字一词的流动，
无需费神用力的感觉真好。

心中的男女朋友

2009-03-02T23:54:00.002+08:00

这不是出自我的手笔，只想跟大家分享，因为觉得很有意思。

“ 每一个女孩的身边都有一个不是男朋友的男朋友（或者相反的）。
但是，为了什么原因你们没能在一起？
也许他为了朋友之间的义气，不能追你。
也许为了顾及家人的意见，你们没有在一起。
也许为了出国深造，他没有要你等他。

也许你们相遇太早，还不懂得珍惜对方。

也许你们相遇太晚，你们身边已经有了另一个人。

也许你回头太迟，对方已不再等待

也许你们彼此在捉摸对方的心，而迟迟无法跨出界线。

不过即使你们没在一起，
你们还是保持了朋友的关系。

但是你们心底清楚，
对这个人，你比朋友还多了一份关心。

即使不能跟他名正言顺的牵着手逛街，
你们还是可以做无所不谈的朋友。

他有喜欢的人，你口头上会帮他追，
心里却不是很清楚你是不是真的希望他追到。

他遇到困难时，
你会尽你所能的帮他，不会计较谁又欠了谁。

男女朋友吃醋了，你会安抚他们说你和他只是朋友，
但你心中会有那么一丝的不确定。

每个人这辈子，心中都有过这幺一个特别的朋友，很矛盾的行为。

一开始你不甘心只做朋友的，
但久了，突然发现这样最好。

你宁愿这样关心他，
总好过你们在一起而有天会分手。

你宁愿做他的朋友，彼此不会吃醋，
才可以真的无所不谈。

特别是这样，你还是知道，他永远会关心你的。
做不成男女朋友，当他那个特别的朋友，有什么不好呢？

你心中的这个特别的朋友...? 是谁呢？

很多的感情，都因为一厢情愿，
最后连朋友都当不成了

常常觉得惋惜，
可惜一些本来很好的友情

最后却因为对方的一句喜欢你，如果你没有反应，
这一段友情似乎也难以维持下去，
这也难怪有些人会因此不肯踏出这一步。

因为这就像是一场赌注，
表白了之后不是成了男女朋友，
要不就连朋友都当不成了。

有些事不是你能预料的，或许对方不在意，
你们还可以是朋友，但却已经不如从前的好。”

所以，你会怎么选呢？

雨天

2009-02-23T17:36:00.004+08:00

雨季，
带来了滋润的雨滴，
为小草带来希望，
为绿叶带来春天。

对我而言，雨季使人心烦，
因为雨天
使我没得去郊外游玩，
使我提不起精神，
使我心情变得灰灰的。

雨天的情景令人感到低落。

每当嘀嗒声响起，
我都不由自主地想起过去。
想起从前的我，
重温过去的美景，
拾起遗失的美好。

我仿佛坐上了时光轮，
回到过去。
画面是如此地清晰，
一幕一幕的往事像流星般划过心海，
感觉是如此地美妙。

有人，爱不顾一切地狂奔；
有人，则爱频频回首而默默前进。

雨天，让我知道，我原来是第二种人。

过去，对我而言是安宁的。
我喜欢缅怀，
因为一路走来，
沿途的风景让我感到我的存在价值。
前路去向渺茫，

往未知的方向前去，

而不断自我揣测
令我感到疲倦。

我累了，可以脱下面具吗？
可以赤裸裸地把心摊开吗？

可以随心所欲吗？
就像大地迎接雨滴一样，
如此潇洒，如此豪放。

人生，

不是应该这样吗？

long time no post...

2009-02-15T00:21:00.002+08:00

It has been weeks since my last post. Time flies n im always busy, i dunno y. mayb it's becus of my tight schedule n also tonnes of notes to b read n memorised (biodiv is a stupid subject!) n also a few assignments r getting closer to their deadlines...buuuurrrhh, kinda hate this feeling, but at the same time kinda like it alot! cus when im busy, i dun spend most of my time thinking abt things tat cannot b answered, or at least, cannot b answered now.

hmmm, i would like to confess here, haha, though im not a christian n im not in a church as well, that i did sumthing bad the day b4 (13feb, friday). i ponteng-ed 2 classes to go sing K wif my college-mates...hahah. well, its my first time of doing so, never do tat b4...anyway, i really enjoyed the session, unwound n had so much fun. luckily i went for it; at first i din feel like going but then, im not regret i went. it was in this session tat i noe im not the mic-grabbing-champion! haha, one of my mates is unbelievable n we had "wars" for grabbing the mic over. haha...n also, tat was a very cheap entertaiment cus sumthing went wrong wif the system of redbox(the gardens) n it continues to play our selected songs even after the provided hours. we were supposed to end at 6pm but we sang until 7pm. hahah, so damn worthwhile! n actually we could continue to sing, however, we left at 7pm cus we were all so damn hungry...too bad...

today, i went to mid-valley, again. haha, this time wif my fren, seong to buy sum presents for our fren hooi. we bought the present in an unexpectedly short time n we had troubles on where to go n wat to do...haih, mid-valley is kinda boring actually...hooi arrived few hours later n we had lunch together at kim gary. we chatted for awhile then we went to pet's world to see the aquarium. it's so beautiful n it gave me a chance to "revise" my biodiv lessons, hahah, telling them wat r the phyla n classes of the animals they belonged to...haha.

after 2 days of joy, HERE COMES THE DAYS OF ULTIMATE SUFFERING AND CONTINUOUS TORTURE! mid-sem exam is jus around the corner, n i'll b eating books every now n then! so damn hate it for this semester, so much things to b memorized, biodiv, microbiology, cellular bio, phy chem, analytical chem...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, so hate it! but still, i nid to sit for it. so...no point complaining, but it makes me feel better. I WILL SURVIVE!

我的新年假日...只不过如此

2009-02-01T22:04:00.000+08:00

好久没写部落格了, 趁今天是人日, 那就在此祝大家生日快乐,新年进步, 心想事成, 身体健康吧! 哈哈, 可能你们不懂什么是人日吧, 其实我也不太知道, 只知道初七是人的生日.

不知道是不是人"老"了, 过年的快乐也随着一起"老"了, 热不起来, 也许是因为去年外婆的去世使到整个新年气氛大大减少了吧! 也可能是自己想太多了吧! 总是搞到自己心情总是灰灰地.

原本还没回家的那几天, 在大学时还会很兴奋, 不时会唱起新年歌来娱乐自己, 去广场购买新衣时还喜气洋洋地; 到了年初一时却没什么兴奋感, 新年只不过比较塞车及多人群而已. 原本还以为今年可以真的体会到团圆饭的团圆意义; 谁知弟弟又得工作, 结果我们得迟回, 所以团圆饭就迟吃了, 不过免强算是团圆了吧!

昨晚去了极乐寺, 至少有感受到一些新年气氛啦! 好漂亮哦, 看了突然觉得槟城很有特色, 我的家乡好特别诶! 回去那边, 就没得看这些了...嗨...

明天就要离开这个美丽的家乡了, 很不舍得喔, 明天是初八了, 晚上就拜天公了, 我今年不能拜, 也没得逗留在这里... 槟城福建人居多, 拜天公很热闹, 这是我第一年没得感受到这里的气氛, 现在我才会珍惜啊! 所以我们要好好的享受当下, 以免日后埋怨... 接下来应该会很忙, 而且回去又快要期考了, 没得像上个学期一样, 可以时常回家了. 所以, 槟城, 四月见咯!

珠光宝气与我

2009-01-08T16:52:00.001+08:00

相信爱看连续剧的港剧发烧友都会追看《珠光宝气》吧！我也在追看着。我觉得剧情很好，而且里面有很多我本身很欣赏的演员，比如蔡少芬，陈豪及李斯琪。很多人都很肤浅，说这套戏的导演怎么选这么多“老女人”来演；我觉得明星的演技重要过他们的外貌及年龄，尤其是这种剧情以现实生活息息相关的连续剧。有好的演技，剧情才会显得真实，动人。

它能够让我更了解到上层人物的生活点滴。虽然他们很富有，但他们也仍然有自己的难处及问题，而这些都是钱解决不到的。而且上层人的关系都很复杂，在商场上既是朋友，更是敌人。生活都少不了勾心斗角，明争暗斗。看来，要当个直来直往，不顾世事的有钱人还真不可能。

除此之外，这套戏令我对做生意很有兴趣，你们可以说我孩子气，太容易被剧情所影响，但我真的觉得做生意是赚钱最快，最多的方法。你想想，若你跟公司打工，年薪会有多高？好，给你一年一百二十千；也就是说月薪是十千。但你能不能告诉我，每间公司会有多少这么高薪的职位呢？那你又能否符合它所需的条件呢？

做生意就不同，当然，我们要实际，我不说《珠光宝气》里那些大集团的生意，我们说小型的。我本身对饮食很有兴趣，也对这方面有稍微的研究。我总觉得人们可以不买衣服，不去玩乐，不去看电影；但他们不能不吃。而且，我发现到，只要你卖的东西价钱大众化，就算经济不好，人们还是会光顾。不信吗？看看 Kim Gary 及 Oldtown。这两间连锁店已经是很好的例子了。我不管在槟城或吉隆坡，经济好坏，每次经过这两间店都看到来客如云。Kim Gary 还离谱到要排长龙。

所以，我的想法就是：我要做饮食生意！我要开一间餐厅！哈哈。。。我不要读书了！

没有啦！说说罢了嘛。。。书还是要读的。。。不过饮食生意我真的很有兴趣，觉得这是行得通的想法。所以，你们谁有兴趣合伙做生意的可以找我！哈哈。。。那我们就合作愉快咯！嘿嘿。。。

College or move out? It's a clear decision...

2009-01-04T13:19:00.000+08:00

This is the second semester of the first academic year, which means that after this semester, we will have to decide whether to stay in college or not. Staying in college requires us to be active in college's activities. So, if I want to continue to stay, I must be active.

Well, here's a thing about college. Everything has its pros and cons and the one thing I like about college is that you have more friends and it is near to my faculty, because it is inside the campus. Because I am staying in college, I get to know many people from different facs, and we even have like our own family there. It gives me the slight feeling of belonging, which I have been seeking ever since I am here. The time for me to walk from my college to my fac is only about 10 minutes, so this allows me to go back to my dorm to have a nap in the evenings after lectures. Haha, I know I am like a pig, just can't help it, sleep is important, okay...And also, the fees are kinda cheap over my college, in fact, the cheapest of all, the rate is RM2.50 per day! RM2.50 only!

The cons of staying in college are, well, way more than its pros. Below are the list:

1. You might get a sucky roommate. But luckily, I have a good one.

2. The food they sell in the cafe is awful and unhealthy. Trust me, my hair (not my pubic hair! =P) has been dropping like hell since last semester, and I finally realize that the culprit is ajinamoto!

3. Sharing toilets and bathrooms with 32 people is insane. Maybe because I am the type of fussy person, so I always feel ridiculous to share toilets n bathrooms with so many people. I enjoy shower very much and this sharing thing has stopped me from enjoying my shower because there is only 3 bathrooms, 1 has got no dorr, we are left with 2, not to mention one of the door is spoilt...it sucks.

4. Cold water kills me! Imagine, you have class at 8am and you are having cold water shower, it's fucking freezing cold! I always have flu in UKM because of this!

5. The bathrooms are always filled with water. The drain is always blocked, it makes the bathroom so damn messy. Ironically, a bathroom is a place for you to clean yourself, but the place itself is so filthy.

See! It's so fucking disgusting! eeee...

6. I can't cook in my dorm. There is no refrigerator, I cannot store meat, chicken, fish...fruits need to be eaten within 1 day! Even if I can cook using electrical cooker, I will have to go in and out of the room so oftenly that it disturbs my roommate, because the tap is outside.

7. The furnitures are limited and we cannot change its positions. Sometimes it is hard to arrange things because of its fixed position.

8. The lights are dimmed. I always feel that my room is very dark even with the lights on.

9. This is the worst of all: we have to move everything out from our room for every semester holiday! This is a shitty rule. I bring many things to make myself feel like I'm at home and to live a better life and this rule sucks! I was like crazy last semester, moving my things away, luckily my senior is kind enough to help me.

So, after analyzing the situation, I have decided to move out! Maybe the rental fees could be a little bit higher, but there are a lot of advantages. Bottom line, the 9 disadvantages about college I've mentioned above will not a problem anymore. The only problem is that I must have a mean of transport, that's all. So I planned to bring a bike here for the coming semester. I must try to ride again, because it has been ages since my last ride. LOL...

Hopefully, my parents would understand the reason I decide to move out and agree with me.

I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THE COMING SEMESTER!!! Yippy...

A kitten n its mummy...which impressed me

2009-01-02T23:35:00.000+08:00

Eversince i hav step on the ground of UKM, im annoyed whenever i see stray cats loitering around. they get on my nerves, especially when there is a cat fight at nite, so damn annoying n i cant get into sleep...besides tat, in UKM, i've heard alot of ridiculous stories about cats, like how they grab food from cafes, how they get into others' rooms n the funniest of all, how a cat slept on my fren's bed, right beside his head, for one whole nite...LOLz...

Last semester, i saw a female cat, pregnant, n i was thinking damn...more of these little bullies r on their attack...n poof, 5 kittens were given birth, luckily, 5 of them were collected n sent off, i dunno where they are now, but i dun think they were killed, cus MALAYS LOVE CATS in a very unreasonable way, if not over the edge sumtimes.

Anyway, today, i was surprised when i saw A kitten near the garbage bin of my block, just one...weird, cus they normally give birth to more than one. a very young kitten, its legs barely step frimly on the ground, crying miserably for food i supposed...

the poor kitten...

its size relative to the polystyrene food container

face-to-face shot

Its crying made me feel sympathetic to it n i almost feed it wif my precious milk supply...but i didnt, bcus that would attract more cats n this would b bad. but still feel bad for it, he is so little n is abandoned, cus i saw no adult cat in the surrounding areas...

I went out to make an evening tea for myself n suddenly i saw a black cat came by, looking fierce, its green eyes stared at me sharply, as if it was going to kill me!! i knew she's the mother! minutes later, she carried the kitten away, HER kitten.

the pictures r blurred, sumthing went wrong wif the focus...but u still can see 2 figures claerly.

she carried it away..."bitting" the kitten's neck.

My guess is that the kitten must hav lost its way home n its mother finally found it. the scene makes me feel relieved, bcus the baby found its mother! n also it shows the nature of how a mother protects her babies...MOTHERS R GREAT PPLE!!!

...

seems unfair to daddies...PARENTS R GREAT PPLE!!! well, generally,hehe...not to those involved in domestic violence.

Welcome 2009! Happy New Year everyone!

2009-01-01T22:37:00.000+08:00

Happy new year everybody! may u guys have health, luck n wealth in 2009...

i went for the countdown in KL, wif my college-mates...we went to pavilion, though some of them would prefer to go to sungai wang, bcus we want to AVOID THE STUPID SNOW SPRAY...AGAIN! haha, cant believe tat im always trying my best to avoid the spray...so sick of it, i dun wan to hav the penang xmas countdown-all-over-again feeling in KL...

the view from starhill gallery to pavilion

anyway, lastnite was my first countdown in KL. plus, it was also the most expensive countdown i hav ever experienced. but i think it's a great experience. the xmas decoration was still thr in front of the main entrance of pavilion, at first i thought it was jus a large, white xmas tree n nothing special abt it. but when the night fell n the lights were on, it was beautiful. it changed it colours wif the lights. i then noticed tat the tree was actually made of optical fibres, no wonder it "absorbed" the lights so perfectly...

it's pink

it's blue

it's white

and now, it's rainbow-coloured!!!

we had dinner at sakae sushi...

After tat, we went to lecka-lecka, it's a lounge right in front of the Starhill Gallery. the waiter said our bill must b at least RM500!! but luckily, we hav 12 persons, so on average, it's around RM50 per person. although it was damn expensive, but we went for it. after all, how many chances u've got to spend like this? hahah...(im giving myself an excuse...><)

these were some of the drinks we ordered...

this was my order - forgot the name already...taste quite nice

also forgot it's name, but it also taste good...

wat i got from this experience is that im not good at drinking, hahah...im a good man.hehe... i mean, jus a sip from each drinks my frens ordered, n also hald a glass of heineken, i started to feel the heat on my ears n had slight headache... hmm, i wonder if it's a good thing?

we stayed overnite in KL, cus the crowd was terrible, n we were unable to go back right away...

i had a great time lastnite, so i guess it was a good ending for 2008...well, bye 2008. lots happened last yr. first, my mum was diagnosed wif cancer, then i left penang for the first time to come to UKM, then my grandma passed away.im sure those things would have changed my life. hopefully things will fall into place soon n my mum will recover completely n there will b no relapse for her cancer...i also hope tat i wil b able to maintain my effort for the coming semesters n jus do well in exam n be healthy. i also hope i could achieve the goals i hav set n were not achieved in last year. all the best to everyone! im sure 2009 will b a great year for all of us!

Year 1 Sem 2

2008-12-30T15:44:00.000+08:00

my room in Kolej Tun Hussein Onn - unoccupied for 5 weeks, so damn dirty!!

back to kampung university again...ohh, so tired becus after 5 weeks, the dust covering the bed, table n cupboard is terrible...after wiping the furnitures wif a wet cloth, the water turns black!!! i can use the water to write chinese calligraphy for the coming chinese new year! too bad i forgot to snap a picture of the black water jusnow, otherwise i could post it up for u guys to have a look.

well, the holiday is over. kinda sad, but life must go on. today we can start to register for our respective subjects for this semester. im thinking of hitting 27 units, but im not sure if it's a good idea.rightnow i have registered 24 units. the lecturers for both cellular biology n speech communication were absent today. so i guess it will b holiday for the first week...DAMN, I SHUD HAV STAYED LONGER!!! but wat to do? i have to come back to check on my lab schedule...

CNY is jus 3 weeks away...ohh, im so happy!!! i noe i sound like a kid, but im really happy, i dunno y... mayb bcus i can go back to penang, again...this year's reunion dinner would b the first dinner wif true "reunion" definition for me. it's my first time to leave home n now the reunion dinner really serves it purpose well.i still havnt tasted all the food on my list! lol, yes, i have a food-to-b-eaten list! n also, i did not hav the time to visit my colleagues in the previous holiday, so i think i will meet up wif them in CNY. plus, i nid to make new glasses n go for a dental check-up. a lot of things nid to b done in 1 week...hopefully the shop n the dentist would b opened aft the 3rd day of CNY, otherwise i wouldnt have enuf time for it.

2008 is coming to an end...

2008-12-27T22:11:00.000+08:00

Time flies and in no time, we will be kissing goodbye to 2008 and wave hello to 2009, we just cant tell how fast time goes by. well, lately a lot of things went on n i hav been quite busy, including the crazy xmas countdown at Gurney (i did not witness the crazy car-shaking thingy, too bad!!) and a few last minute get-togethers wif frens.

Xmas countdown for this year was, indeed, better than last year's, well IMO. it's bcus the one thing i hate is being controlled more strictly this year - the stupid snow spray! most of the pple used them on the roads, not so often in Gurney Plaza's premis. i jus wonder y we always end up in Gurney for countdowns... i wished we could go to other places. we did the present exchange thing, but this year it's not fun bcus there were only 5 of us who were exchanging presents. i hope next year there will b more of our frens to join us for xmas countdown...hahah

Holiday is coming to an end n ppl r starting to leave penang for their U's again. so the one thing we always do is to go out for a good chat n gossip... haha, gossiping is so fun, it makes me feel like im back to the previous years, the time in sch, filled wif lots of gossip n laughter. i always feel that things r different nowadays n i have been very nostalgic this year, especially since i was in the uni. mayb i still could not find myself at the moment, kinda lost,i'll jus keep on knocking doors until im answered. i hope there will b more good things coming up n im waiting to accept them with open arms, oh, who wouldnt wan to accept good things?

The upcoming events r :

1. leaving this beautiful island n get my ass back to UKM
2. new year countdown at KL (kinda worried n anticipating at the same time, cus lots of seniors complaint abt their mobile phones lost during countdown parties)
3. start studying again

hope these last few days of 2008 will be wonderful...

Mamma mia! Here I go again...my my, how can I resist you?

2008-12-23T09:07:00.000+08:00

I just watched Mamma mia! the movie last few days, it is a great movie, i wish that i have watched it in cinema, oh, i shud have...few months back, when i saw its trailer in the cinema ad, i thought that it's going to b a boring movie, but NO, it is not at all, i judged it very wrongly. Glad that i watch it.

SPOILERS ALERT!!! Dun scroll down if u have not watched the movie!

I really love everything in the movie. First of all, they choose the perfect setting at the islands of Greece, and there is sunshine, blue skies n blue seas, it is wonderful. The small inn is also great, although it might b an old building.

Besides that, they make love stories interesting. I don know, im not a fan of love story but i really like it this time. it's funny and also romantic. The bride's mother (Donna) finally found her true love after 21 years and they married.

The show is based on the songs of the famous band of the 70's - ABBA! From small, i know that there was a band named ABBA, and that's all i know about them. Never really heard so many of their songs before, well, heard a few before, like money, money, money and chiquitita. this show gives me a chance to know more of their songs and i think all of their songs are so great!!! the lyrics are so meaningful and the melody is very soothing.

There is a part where Donna is dressing up Sophie, her bride-to-be daughter for the church ceremony and they use the song " slipping through my fingers". it is so touching and tears rolled down my face. the scene and the lyrics make the wonder.

The lyrics describe about how a mother feels when her daughter is growing up so quickly and sometimes she jus can't help but to feel that her little girl is slipping away from her. ya, i believe that parents will have this feeling and I feel it too, becus sumtimes i have to choose between my parents and my frens, and i feel a sense of guilt when i choose my frens over my parents. i dunno y, this dun really happen to me before. maybe now that i've left home for studies and the emotions evoked suddenly, jus hope that i could spend more time with them.

Anyway, if u have not watched Mamma mia!, please watch, it's worth your time! i hope that i could watch the live show in KL!

It has been ages since my last post

2008-12-22T10:40:00.000+08:00

The good times slip through ur fingers like water n now im left with the last 7days of my holiday, n damn, im going back to tat stupid place again, so not anticipating it...

sumtimes i jus doubt my own decision, i keep asking myself repeatedly, from time to time, "y the hell u chose this university?". sumtimes i even blamed the teacher who suggested this uni to me...but it doesnt help no matter wat i do. becus it is offering the best biochemistry course in malaysia. i have no choice but to choose wat is the best for my future.

in life, we never get things in their perfect balance...when the course offered is great; the food sold is ...oh, i hate to use the word, awful. n they cook the same thing everyday, becus the M*l*y ppl have crocodile tougues n they don taste food, they jus swallow!

i wil live this last week in penang to its fullest!!! ... n drag my ass off back to my kampung university...

终于在四个月后相聚的我们

2008-11-26T14:49:00.000+08:00

就在昨晚,
熟悉的面孔再次地出现在我眼前,
欢乐的笑声又在我耳朵响了起来.

我们就这样地离开了四个月,
不长不短的日子里,
充满了对彼此的思念.

当时最后一次的聚会,
就在六月二十六号晚上,
为我庆祝生日,
当晚的心情真是百感交集.
开心, 因为朋友帮我庆祝;
不安, 因为即将开始新的生活;
悲伤, 因为即将面临离别;
未知日后的日子会是如何?
总不断地想着大家以后
会有各自的生活,
聚在一起的时间也很少了.

现在,
一个学期已去,
我们再次相聚,
虽然没说出口,
但我相信每人心中
都感受到那份温暖.
我们还有一个月的时间,
希望大家可以一起喝茶聊天,
一起缅怀过去,
一同展望未来.

现在,
我才明白,
分离,
是为了下次重逢的喜悦;
就像花谢,
是为了让花开得更灿烂.

人生只不过如此…

Go try this...

2008-11-24T13:29:00.000+08:00

http://www.ipersonic.com/

i think it's kinda precise...describes 90% of my characteristics...

2008-11-24T00:08:00.000+08:00

I'm back!!! finally...

so damn tired, hav to carry the heavy luggage al the way from my college downhill to the bus stop in front of my campus, then all the way to KL then puduraya...damn, i bet i could gain muscles jus from this process...haha

i arrived at puduraya around 12pm n i hav to find the Kwang Tung Association building in time bcus i hav to attend a ceremony for the study loan i applied (actually, my dad applied for me). this is wat i dislike abt getting involved in those association things, they are very realistic n like to amplify small things. to present a simple study loan, they must hold a ceremony jus for it, of course they would invite those "big ppl" like datuk watever or datin whoever then reporters from newspaper publisher wil com to take photos, things like tat... i mean, come on, it's jus a study loan, make it quick n simple k? it's not like the association givs me 1 billion or wat...i jus borrow it n i hav to pay them later on...thr's nonid to do as if it is so special cus many other corporate companies n other associations provide styudy loans too...

the ceremony starts at 1.30pm. i was late for my lunch bcus i hav to go around to find the building. my lunch is served at 1.15pm, which means that i hav abt 15 minutes to stuff them into my stomach n grab my ass off to the ceremony. that was the most meaningless meal i hav ever had, ate for the sake of eating without enjoying it...i managed to arrive a few minutes earlier.

as i hav expected, they wil start late n they did...it started at 1.45pm...ahh, typical malaysian culture...bad habit! ( im scolding myself too! haha ) honourably, i went up stage n spoke on behalf of fellow students, n the speech was not too long... i jus keep it simple n real...i dun like to fake it, cus to sum ppl, they wil take this chance to show their "appreciation" or how "grateful" they are...

the whole evening was so rush...thank god the ceremony ended quite early, at least earlier than expected. so i got sum time to shop at petaling street...jus bought an odm watch, too poor to buy the real one, so i opted to buy a fake one...>< anyway, they look the same, hopefully it can fool ppl...

my journey to pg started around 5pm, the bus was travelling wif god's speed...it took less than 4 hours n taaadaaa, im back in pg!! so tired...but im happy...holiday is here...frens r back again...miss them alot.

i dunno y, ever since we left pg to pursue our dreams, i find tat i do miss them from time to time.i wonder they feel the same...or m i the only one feeling it? perhaps it has got to do wif my life overthr, im not so close wif my coursemates bcus i find tat my frequency cant superimpose wif theirs n thr are sum gaps between us. my hypothesis is that mayb i treat them as my old frens here in pg, n they responded in a different way, unlike the response i used to get lastime. so this is y sumtimes i feel tat im quite lonely when it comes to this n i start to miss my old frens. they know me the best n i feel comfortable wif them, i can trust them well. but i cant get such feelings from my coursemates.i noe i hav to move on n accept new frens, but new frens r not the same as old frens anymore...i hope i could b very close wif my coursemates by the coming semester.

i will hav to stop here as my eyes r killing me...gtg to bed...happy holidays everyone, remember to gather wif ur frens!they r IRREPLACABLE!

My first blog...

2008-11-22T18:32:00.000+08:00

Finals were over, i hope i do well for this semester because the first semester is always the easiest to score, then things will become more n more difficult for the coming semesters...

Anyway, the way i spend these few days is actually kinda fun! actually my examinations finished on 18nov, so after that im free. but i have things to b done at KL on 23nov, which is tomorrow, and i cant go home, so the only choice is to stay until tomorrow. but how am i going to spend these days? it is amazing when u can stay in the campus for 4 days doing nothing, while other either gone home already or still having their examinations...no, i cant do that, i cant stay in college for 4 days doing nothing cus i'll be bored to death. so i went out n did sum shopping for clothes n accessories... but im not rich, so i dun grab crazily; i buy carefully and wisely.

Tomorrow i'll be going to KL to get a cheque for my study loan! at first it turns me off when i knew that i have to stay a few days more just to get the damn cheque but then im happy...cheque is money, and imagine u could get money just by staying for a few days longer, y not? hopefully i can get to use half of the money and the other half can be used for investments. well, like i said, hopefully i can get to use the money, cus my dad is very concerned wif money matters and he always have comments on others' spending habits. perhaps, i cant blame him bcus he has his past n he sees more different scenarios in life than me, n therefore he has his own unique view on how to spend properly.

I remember very well wat he told me : "only spend on things u need, not on things u want, they are different". i totally disagree wif this statement bcus if we were to spend only for things we nid, then our life is so meaningless. it would b jus like any other living organisms on earth, from bacteria to insects to lions. from my POV, "wat we nid" refers to the very basic things that we required to stay alive and lead our lives. so in my context, it refers to our biological nids like food, shelter and clothes, and also other accessories required for modern days like transport and other tools. by doing so, which means do i live jus for the sake of living, like those lions in africa?

My philosophy towards life is that we shud live happily in modesty. u can spend, but not to the extent of over-spending n engulfed by debts. when u feel like buying sumthing u like, it's fine, work for it, bcus it givs u motivation. it givs u a direction n goal so that u could stay focused. he normally disagrees wif my spending habits bcus he only spend for things he nid, but i spend for things i nid n i want. lucky for me, he is not very autocratic n he wil jus mention to me abt how i shud spend n tat's it. until now, he never restrict my allowance or do anything to my money.

Anyway, i dun think my spending habits are wrong, bcus i dun over-spend n most importantly, i save. i spend accordingly to my affordability n i never borrow money from frens jus to buy things i wan. but, relatively, he would think tat i spend alot.

Im grateful of wat i hav n the way i spend, bcus i realize that many ppl spend without thinking. tat's risky n it could consume u. well, this is all for my first blog n i hope to write more on the way i see life. penang, im coming! home sweet home!